Life under the Chief Doublespeak Officer

Unspecified ^ | Unspecified | By William Lutz

[wimpycat]

Did you do a cost benefit analysis of outsourcing your holiday dinners as opposed to keeping it in-house? I'd be interested to know how quality control was affected.

[Poohbah]

Did you do a cost benefit analysis of outsourcing your holiday dinners as opposed to keeping it in-house?

We analyzed these factors using a linear programming model originally designed for determining the number of Trident missile submarines needed to conduct counterforce operations during a protracted central nuclear conflict--suitably modified, of course. These results were analyzed against Gaussian and Poisson distributions modeled from butterfly migratory patterns.

I'd be interested to know how quality control was affected.

When we used the Total Quality Turkey paradigm pioneered by Deming, I and the Chief Spousal Officer had 100% fewer bitter screaming matches before the relatives arrived.

[dighton]

Our first strategic initiative was to outsource Thanksgiving and Christmas Dinner in order to facilitate a synergistic refocusing on our core competencies.

Translation: "We ended up eating at Denny's."

;-)

[Poohbah]

No, we bought a pre-cooked meal from Ralph's grocery store.

[Slings and Arrows]

"long pole in the tent."

Stanislaus! Put that thing away!

FReegards,
Slings and Arrows