[balrog666]

Yesterday didn't happen. We of the Church of Last Thursday believe that the universe was created on Thursday (that's today) by the lord of the cats, Queen Maeve. When the end time comes (probably next Thursday, but there is some dispute on that matter), those who have been exceptionally nice to cats will become cats and live on Mars to be served by human slaves. Those who simply lead 'good' lives, but who are not exceptionally nice to cats will become human slaves to cats on Mars (though they will be treated well) and those who are cruel to cats will be cast into the Eternal Litterbox, which is never emptied.

Wait a minute, aren't we slaves to our cats now?

[Doctor Stochastic]

Not slaves, just staff.

[Dimensio]

Wait a minute, aren't we slaves to our cats now?

Yes, but some people don't realise that yet. Those who do accept their lot in life and treat cats with the resepect deserved will ascend to higher beings (cats) in the coming Next Thursday.