10. Remind people how much he used to hustle
9. Change name to "Spongepete Rosepants"
8. Travel with a monkey -- everyone loves monkeys
7. Make an appearance on "The Tonight Show"
6. Say betting-on-baseball was research for a movie role
5. Write and star in the delightful comedy "My Big Fat Pete Rose Wedding"
4. Find and kill Osama Bin Laden
3. Always carry Tums -- periodically offer them to strangers
2. Teach underprivileged kids how to play the ponies
1. Hold a press conference declaring he's not gay