[Poohbah]

Memorandum

From: Attorney General John Ashcroft
To: SAC, Washington Field Office, Federal Bureau of Investigation

Subj: Alleged Case Referral

Some practical joker sent a memo on my letterhead. Said memo puported to direct you to investigate criminal charges against Solictor General Theodore Olson.

Said memo did NOT originate with this office and should be destroyed. Said practical joker is now in charge of a high-profile investigation of prairie dog smuggling in the state of Kansas. Please refer all reports of prairie dog smuggling to the Olathe FBI Field Office (which we just established to coordinate this VERY important investigation).

Good luck with the missing dogs and cats up trees. Those cats can get downright mean and nasty when they've been treed a while.

BTW, I think I saw you out at the Army-Navy driving range Saturday morning. If you were the guy with the really bad case of the shanks, try leaning just a little more to your right when you swing. (I lean a LOT to the right, of course.)

Sincerely,

John Ashcroft

[hchutch]

Memorandum

From: SAC, Washington Field Office, Federal Bureau of Investigation
To: John Ashcroft, Attorney General

Subj: Case Referral

I figured as much.

In any case, I had prioritized just behind that $1 billion hit contract on Osama bin Laden. Quite frankly, it's embarrassing to have the private sector offer 40 times what we are for the SOB.

The only case I've got on a lower priority from that is a complaint from the Navy alleging theft of aircraft they tossed over the side of some carriers (an A-6, a couple of F4Fs, an SBD, a couple of TBFs, an F4U, and a TBD). Quite frankly, we ought to bring up the Navy on littering charges. Rummy's just outta luck on this one. Next time, he shouldn't litter.

BTW - I was not at Army-Navy, my deputy was. The tip has been passed on.

r/s

SAC, Washington Field Office