AMY Fisher has some tips on how fellow scandal siren Lizzie Grubman can survive her final days in Suffolk County Jail. Fisher, who went to jail for shooting her ex-lover's wife, is now a columnist for a free Garden City, L.I., newspaper, the New Island Ear. She addressed a cheeky checklist of jailhouse tips to the penned-up publicity princess, who will get out of jail Nov. 29 with time off for good behavior.
* "If bland mashed potatoes and plain noodles are not your cup of tea, you don't have to accept this common food," Fisher writes. "Since you're Jewish, ask for a kosher meal. You'll receive a TV dinner with enough frozen kugel to keep the meat on your bones."
* "Be sure to shower in your socks. If you don't, the foot fungus you'll acquire will last far longer than your stay. It would look hideous all squished up in a new pair of Prada shoes. Even after the guards make you scrub the shower rim for a few hours, it's still there. Be careful."
* "Since a hairbrush is a foreign object to the jail keepers, you develop knots quickly. Don't fret, your golden locks can be saved. Just find a kind inmate to whip them into cornrows."
* "As for maintaining the color, you can always volunteer to mop the floors. No one will know if some of the bleach ends up on your roots. Besides, mopping can prove to be a beneficial skill; you'll know if your maid is doing it properly."
* "You'll be able to watch television in jail. If you're not a Jerry Springer fan, you'll become one. If you're very lucky, your fellow convicts will put on the soap operas in the afternoon; it should give you some good dramatic pointers for your ‘released from jail' speech."
IS Oprah Winfrey the next L. Ron Hubbard? The touchy-feely talk show titan is the leader of a new American religion, says University of North Carolina professor Kathryn Lofton. Oprah's 20 million followers seek spiritual transformation by following a way of life and rituals designated by her - including reading specific texts, writing and shopping, Lofton says. The professor defines Oprahism's primary tenets as "self-indulgence and relaxed reflection."