[Feiny]

Two women waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first woman asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first woman. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second woman. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first woman. "You see, I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone, watching tv. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second woman shakes her head. "That's so ironic," she says. "What do you mean?" asks the first woman.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

[Rytwyng]

All right... I give up. I gotta post some of my own...

If you think that a "cell phone" is where the sheriff lets you make one free call... you might be a redneck.

If you've ever handled a live rattlesnake in church... you might be a redneck.

And, for that matter, if you've ever handled a live rattlesnake OUTSIDE of church... you might be a redneck.

In fact, if you've ever handled a live rattlesnake, anywhere at all....

If you've ever kept a chicken in your cubicle...you might be a displaced redneck.

If your pickup truck is way too big for your corporate parking space...you might be a displaced redneck.

If you've ever said "shoot", "dang", "ain't", or "buddy", in a management meeting...you might be a displaced redneck.