[Feiny]

As taken from the personnel files of employees in a large US
corporation:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom..and.. has
started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a
definite
won't be'."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them."

[Feiny]

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, "Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life."

"What happened?" asks Birnbaum.

Goldstein moans, "My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands of dollars on the credit card. I came back to New York and found out that my rat brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And to top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my on having sex with my best model on my desk!"

"You think you had a bad week?" responds Birnbaum. "My week was even
worse! I went to Florida on vacation with my wife and it rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands on the credit card. Then, when I got back to New York, I found out that my rat cousin accountant has been ripping me off for millions. To top it all off, when I came in to my office on Monday, I found my son having sex with my best model on my desk!"

"How can you say that your week was worse than mine?" asks Goldstein.
"It was identical!"

"You shmuck!" replies Birnbaum. "I manufacture menswear..."