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I also have a child in gifted program and the other is "special needs."

I am learning how to work with both. My wife and I started working with them as soon as we realized what was happening. We have worked very hard at getting them what they needed. My oldest is in a program that challenges him to do his best and our youngest is getting what he needs to be in line with his peers.
The best resource we have found so far is Dr. Stanley Turecki's book "The Difficult Child"
Both are very stressful on their mother. Understanding and coping with the individual needs of each child are extremely important to getting them what they need to excel either into a mainstream class or beyond. "Difficult" children are not out of the range of normal and some late talkers have exceptional minds. They are just different and WE need to adjust OUR techniques if we are to be effective teachers. Isn't teaching a child how to become a good adult is a parent's job?
Problem is, not very many teachers want to work that hard and not too many parents know what to do. It is very difficult for parents to know what to do if they desire to work at it.
Quite a lot of these problems are hereditary and if the parent's situation was mishandled, there is a good chance they still have the same needs as the children.
It is a lot easier to just label the kid Autistic and write him off than to look a little deeper at them and ourselves to see what is going on and adjust.

I think you are right about a lot of the parents of special ed kids have problems also.

The hard part is knowing what is best for your child. Even my husband and I disagree about what to do with our children. I don't personally know of one child (or parent of child) that has speech problems as severe as my daughter. There is an online group, but that is very different than having someone next door to talk to. It makes it very difficult to figure out how to handle situations like discipline.

I'll have to read that book. I haven't read it. Thanks for the recommendation.

I feel very sad for the children whose parents will not or cannot help them.

I actually do think my daughter will be okay. She may not go to college, but I really think she may. If not, then I will help her find something else productive to do.

I have a friend that I've known since we were 7 years old. She has severe handicapping arthritis, and she is legally blind. She has other problems with her kidneys, and I don't know what else. Well, she was always an honor roll student, and ended up going to college and getting a master's degree in speech therapy. She is now married. I haven't talked to her in a few years because she is in Texas and I am in Califoria. I know that she (and her mother) have been an inspiration to me, and I know the money the schools spent on her were well worth it.