This is also a letter which in reading, grips me with the certainty that this man loved this woman:
Sullivan Ballou, a Union soldier in the Civil War, wrote this love letter a few days before he was killed in battle. Excerpted from: www.theromantic.com and from Love Letters by Mary L. Schramski.
July 14, 1861
My very dear Sarah,
I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death - and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.
. . . Sarah, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omni-potence can break. And yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly, with all these chains, to the battlefield. The memories of the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you come creeping over me, and I feel deeply grateful to God and you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our boys grow up to honorable manhood around us.
If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name. Forgive me my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon our happiness.
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . .
. . . and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead; Think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . .
This guy has some nice little illustrations that touch on a lot of these questions you have raised. I have talked to him via email and he is very easy to converse with. I found his site a few weeks ago and found it very encouraging. Said a lot of stuff I was thinking but hadn't put into words.
Making the Way Clear
There was a time when there seemed to me to be no way to cross the gap between man and God and no reason to believe that He exists. When I looked at religion I saw nothing but many separate islands of dissention, ritual and hypocrisy.
But when I read the words of Jesus in the Bible, I was amazed to find that His words made more sense to me than anything I had ever heard from any religion. He wanted us all to be one with each other, one with Him and one with God. For the first time, I understood God's nature and the path to Him became clear.
"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." Word of Jesus Christ in John 14:6-7
"I pray for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." Word of Jesus Christ in John 17:20-23