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mopaul (1291 posts)

10 things i'd rather do than watch election returns:

#1. have an omelette made with thumbtacks.

#2. watch all my ann coulter videos till i vomit.

#3. make a cute voodoo pin doll of jeb bush.

#4. put bacon on my groin and let a weasle attack me.

#5. burn an effigy of judy woodruff on my front lawn.

#6. dress in a frumpy red dress like liz dole and troll the streets for new meat.

#7. trim my toenails with a tazer gun.

#8. drench my body in bacardi 151 rum and light up some crack.

#9. nail my nads to the floor and torch the house.

..and the number one thing i'd rather do than watch election returns,

#10. play a vinyl l.p. of bloodrock's "D.O.A." backwards at top volume while tripping on monkey tranqs hanging upside down on a meat hook in the rain till sunrise on november 5th when the whole mess is over.