[Z in Oregon]

Too, if it does not work out, and you have become involved with the child, what rights do you have to continue to see him/her? My experience is: none whatsoever. It seems to Me that the woman is holding all the cards in that area, and the heartache involved in the breakup of the relationship is all the more difficult because you have absolutely NO rights as far as the child is concerned. Is it any wonder we males are so reluctant?

Good point. "Single mothers" often complain that men don't want the baggage of a kid that isn't biologically theirs. Often that is true, but it's only half the story.

The other half is that if you get attached to your already-has-a-kid girlfriend's child, upon breakup, it can be a really sad scenario.

[Z in Oregon]

That happened to a friend of mine. He got married to a widow with a three-year-old daughter; he stepped fully into the fatherhood role, and the child loved him as her daddy. However, in a couple of years the marriage failed, no real fault by either just a lack of compatability, and my friend was denied the right to be a part of the life of the child who called him "Daddy", and who saw her in turn as his own daughter.

He was heartbroken, and rightfully so.

[Utilizer]

"Good point. "Single mothers" often complain that men don't want the baggage of a kid that isn't biologically theirs. Often that is true, but it's only half the story.

I really do not understand why they would complain about this. If this is such a difficulty for them, I immediately see three ways to resolve it:

1. Dot not allow yourself to have children out of wedlock.

2. Accept that the male must have an equal say in whether or not to have a child.

3. Learn to make the relaionship WORK! Better yet, WORK on making the relationship work! Do not swallow that propaganda that "If he starts to get angry, just leave!"

No relationship is perfect. Learn to accept that. Both partners have to work 110% at it, and compromise where necessary.