Dirt flirt
If Mr. Clean seems extra bubbly, it's because he's gay
Okay, we'll take the bait: What about Mr. Clean's
earring (Mr. Right, 7/19/02)?
Curiousers: Hey, no need to get huffy. I simply wanted to remind
everyone that he wears one, and that he also wears a
tighty-whitey T-shirt and has humongous muscles and is
fastidiously neat and clean. After that, I'll leave you to draw your
own conclusions. OH, COME ON, HE'S OBVIOUSLY GAY! Not that
there's anything wrong with that. It's just that since he came out,
back in 1960, he's never...come out. Which makes a certain kind of
sense, given that he's often stored in the closet. But couldn't
Proctor & Gamble just come clean? Would floor-scrubbers and
counter-swabbers around the world (in France, he's Monsieur
Propre) declare him all washed up?
P & G has been asked about Mr. Clean's "orientation" over the
years, and their standard reply is that he's "an artist's conception
of a magical genie." Uh-huh. And the whole sailor-drag thing is
just...what? Old Navy was having a sale? I've had a soft spot for
Proctor & Gamble ever since they cancelled their ads on Dr. Laura's
radio show when she went into one of her homophobic rants. And
who knows, maybe Mr. Clean is straight. Besides, gays still have
the Pillsbury Dough Boy, right? And the Jolly Green Giant? (Love the
outfit, Miss Thang.) And Mr. Peanut? And Tinky Winky? And Ronald
McDonald? You don't think Ronald McDonald's gay? Puh-leeze.