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Get her a copy of the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", by Josh Harris and then read through it with her. I'll tell you up front that this book is written from a Christian perspective (since I don't know you personally I wouldn't want you to get mad if you bought and didn't care for that kind of perspective).

Also, try to remember that you are her parents, and she is therefore subject to your rules (which is so unpopular with todays teens), and if the instant messages, etc., keep coming after you've asked for them to stop, then unplug the computer. If she absolutely "needs" to go online for some school work, have her do it in a room where you are present.

I teach the teen Sunday School group at our church and we are going to be discussing some of these very issues in the near future and I will be using material from that book. I feel I'm getting a lot of good prep for my own kids since they are still a few years away from being teens. Good luck. You can do it!