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To: swarthyguy
Beer marketing is very hip. Look for Budwieser WWJD bracelets at bars any day now.
64 posted on 08/06/2002 7:37:37 PM PDT by eno_
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To: eno_; Dakmar; StoneColdGOP
This is G o o g l e's cache of http://www.richp.com/humor/textfiles/religious_beers.


Christian Beer:
Everyone thinks that they know what's in here, but nobody does. Tells you
that it is vital to your survival, and that all other beers will poison
you. Stole the recipe from Jewish Beer, now cliam that it is all the
Jewish Beer drinker's fault.

Muslim Beer:
Same as Christian beer, though they won't admit it. Fanatical in their
attempts to convert other beer drinkers. Cans of Muslim beer occasionally
explode in the presence of Jewish Beer. At least once in their lifetime,
drinkers must visit the original brewery.

Jewish Beer:
A very quite beer. Jewish beer drinkers are often persecuted by Muslin and
Christian beer drinkers. Very similar to Christian beer, as Christian beer
is a variation on the Jewish beer recipe (though they won't admit they
stole the recipe from the Jewish beer makers). The oldest of the surviving
beers.

Buddhist Beer:
Claims that by drinking the beer, you will never have to drink beer again.
If you don't drink it, you will always get another chance. A very hard
beer to stomach, drinkers of this beer get drunk in a very peculiar way,
selling off all of their possesions and going to live on a mountain
somewhere.

Hindu Beer:
Hindu beer drinkers are a very peculiar lot. Hindu beer comes in several
different levels of quality, though the drinker is restricted to one type
of Hindu beer per life. If they drink enough, they supposedly come back
and are allowed to drink a better brand of beer. If enough of the best
beer is drunk, they never have to drink beer again.

Agnostic Beer:
Drinkers of agnostic beer aren't really sure if they're drinking beer or
not. Drunk by those unsure what kind of beer to drink; athiest beer,
another beer, or their own recipe.

Athiestic Beer:
Claims not to be a beer, though it will get you just as drunk as any other
kind of beer. Drinkers claim that beer is bad for you, though they
continue to drink it.

Satanist Beer:
Uses the exact opposite ingrediants of Christian beer. Still manages to
get you drunk, though. Condemned by drinkers of most other beers.

Diest Beer:
Drinkers claim that there was a brew master who made the first brewery and
then retired. Now, they are trying to figure out exactly how their beer is
made, and what its ingrediants are.

Variations on Christian Beer:

Catholic Beer:
Very strict, says that every other type of beer will cause you to die a
horrible, painful death. Once you start drinking Catholic beer, you aren't
allowed to stop. Brewers of Catholic beer aren't allowed to share their
beer with anyone else. Catholic beer gets you VERY drunk. Catholic beer
drinkers also must obey every command of the head brewmaster.

Lutheran Beer:
Not a particular brew, states that everyone must make up their own recipe.

Morman Beer:
Allows you to drink multiple beers at once, as many as you want!

Calvinist Beer:
States that it is predetermined how much of this beer you will drink, or
whether or not you will drink it at all.

Anabaptist Beer:
States that a person should not be forced to drink any particular type of
beer until they are 18, when they should choose for themselves what beer to
drink (though if they don't choose Anabaptist beer, they will supposedly go
to Hell).

Jesuit Beer:
Drinkers are VERY fanatical, and will be willing to kill people in order to
get them to drink Jesuit beer. Jesuit beer occasionally believe that they
have the power to brew the beer, though never with any success.


Beers That Are No Longer Drunk:

Greek Beer:
Claims that their are several brewmasters, each in charge of a particular
aspect of the brewing process, as opposed to one single master brewer. No
longer drunk, as all of the beer drinkers were killed off, though we still
like to read the cans.

Roman Beer:
A rip-off of Greek beer. They stole the recipe and re-named the
ingrediants, though it is really the exact same thing.
Egyptian Beer:
Also says that there are several master brewers, like Greek Beer does.
Claims that the leader of the drinkers is actually the head brew master
himself. After about 2000 years, stopped getting people drunk, and the
beer drinkers empire collapsed. Up until this century, we couldn't read
the writing on the cans.

Native American Beer:
We're not really sure what's in here, as the Christian Beer drinkers killed
off almost all the Native American Beer drinkers. Now only drunk on small
patches of land known as reservations.

Mayan Beer:
Like Egyptian Beer, said that the head brewer was actually an incarnation
of the brew master. Required the head brewer to preform genital
blood-letting and the drinkers to preform acts of self-mutilation. For
some reason, no one drinks this beer anymore, except for a very watered
down version.

Aztec Beer:
Similar to Mayan Beer, except that instead of genital blood-letting, there
were human sacrifices. All the beer drinkers were killed off by drinkers
of the Christian brew. This beer, for one reason or another, has not been
marketed since.


71 posted on 08/06/2002 7:46:06 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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To: eno_
There used to a router (Telecoms equipment) company called Shiva.

Led me to ponder a backup/restore software called Jesus Saves.
74 posted on 08/06/2002 7:49:53 PM PDT by swarthyguy
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