Are You Ready For Some Football?

Toogood Reports ^ | August 2, 2002 | Doug Powers

[Stand Watch Listen]

This is the time of year when men all across the country become giddy with anticipation. It's the season when men begin checking their remote controls for proper function, arrange a redundant backup plan in case of a systems failure in remote number one, kiss their wives good-bye, and do their part for the economy by bravely pushing Frito-Lay and Anheuser-Busch stock to new heights. It's a time when blood, sweat, and tears are shed, and yet we bravely move forward undaunted — mainly because it's not our blood, sweat, and tears. That's right folks, it's almost football season.

Real football fans have already had the Hank Williams Jr. song, "Are you ready for some football" bouncing around inside their heads since about two weeks after last years Pro Bowl. When football season ends, you can sense a distinct national depression among the male population. Some men jump straight into hockey season for an uninterrupted supplication of their violence needs, but most go into a hibernation not seen since a grizzly bear ate a camper whose pockets were stuffed with Benadryl.

Unfortunately for my team, the Detroit Lions, when they hear, "Are you ready for some football?" They collectively yell back, "No!" I'm stuck here in Michigan, a Lions fan by geographic default. I often sit back and envy people who live in cities that more or less usually have good teams. Those of you in Pittsburgh, Green Bay, St. Louis, and so on, might not fully appreciate how good you have it. Try being a fan of a team that wins so rarely, it's become more of a solstice than a victory. At least if you go to a Lions game you get a chance to see lots of points racked up... by the other team. The Lions secondary gets scored on like Madonna while in New York City during Fleet Week.

I don't mean to pick on my team. The true fan understands when his team is in a rebuilding century. On the plus side, we've now got a nicer stadium than the more victorious cities. Ownership has forgone attempts to bring a victorious team to Detroit, and has instead opted for comfort via a nice new stadium. Like a crack dealer that drives a really nice Cadillac, we're complete losers, but losers in style. The Lions new home, Ford Field, cost $300 million. That means that if this year is like last year, we're paying $150 million per victory. Show me any other city willing to make that kind of commitment.

With the anticipation building as another football season approaches, men aren't the only ones who are excited. Football has seen a tremendous growth in the number of female fans, and they can't wait for the season to start either. Even the women who aren't football fans are excited at this very moment. Not because it's almost football season, but because as I write this, it's almost time for Oprah.

With the beginning of football season comes events and happenings that are purely American. Excluding British Parliament, who else in the world puts on silly big wigs, paints their faces, chests, and whatever else, and makes complete fools of themselves on national television? In what other country could you see a child awestruck after meeting his favorite multi-millionaire football hero, and later see his father try to explain to him why the same player's picture is on a bulletin board at the post office? Where else can you turn on your television and wonder why an undercooked spiral sliced ham is talking to you, only to find out that it's John Madden? Where else would you find people who were so convinced they were the best that they could declare themselves "world champions" even though the never played anybody outside of the contiguous 48 states? That's what helps make this America, and that's why we love football.

It's almost here. I can envision game day already. I can smell the ribs cooking on the barbecue and see the people consuming beer like there's no tomorrow at a tailgate party. There's a man deep-frying a turkey in a gutted washing machine basin. I see a guy with a chunk of cheese on his head who has passed out drunk in the parking lot, forcing a griller to improvise and serve burgers to his guests using the man's back as a serving tray. Another group nearby is bowling, using empty vodka bottles as pins and knocking them down by rolling a half empty keg at them. I look at my watch. It's only eight a.m. Still five hours to kickoff. Awesome.

Are you ready for some football? I am.

[WKB]

I often sit back and envy people who live in cities that more or less usually have good teams.

Chargers?

Try being a Saints fan for 30+ years!!

[Boxsford]

working with local talent

That's what my hubby and my son said too.

[WKB]

Miss. State?

The NCAA inspectors were in Starkvillie last week! Jackie is sweating bullets -----AGAIN

[dtel]

I am sure glad little Danny boy hired Spurrier, he will revive that, three yards and a cloud of dust, offense and kick up the rivalry with the Cowpokes a notch or two.
I know it was just preseason, but I am looking forward to his offense and personality, err, ego. ;^)
Check out this article,

---

Frank Luksa, Dallas Morning News

At last, finally, and none too soon, a successor worthy of George Allen has become coach of that funny NFL team in Washington. I say funny since it's the only team whose male fans dress in women's clothes, wear curly wigs, rouge and a hog's nose. (Girdles are optional).

The fresh face belongs to Steve Spurrier, and his reputation suggests he's qualified to invigorate a Cowboys-Redskins series that's grown stagnant. Spurrier was a brilliant college coach at Florida, a compliment to which he agrees, and hence became known by the mocking label of Steve Superior.

More later about Spurrier's ability to inflame and insult, a welcome turn of attitude if it will return sass to a once-spiteful NFL rivalry. An example of the Spurrier charm arose when a fellow introduced himself as an assistant from the University of Central Florida, beaten in several recent games in the final minutes.

"Oh, UCF ... You Can't Finish," Spurrier chortled.

Rest of article here:

http://www.dallasnews.com/sports/columnists/fluksa/stories/080302dnspoluksa.246ed.html

---

This is gunna be fun again,
Go Cowboys.

[dtel]

Re: Bryant Westbrook.

Things are not looking too rosy for Westbrook, he is consistantly getting beat on the deep ball.
I will be surprised if he makes the roster.

[E Rocc]

More later about Spurrier's ability to inflame and insult, a welcome turn of attitude if it will return sass to a once-spiteful NFL rivalry.

A Redskins-Browns Super Bowl could really get interesting: Spurrier and the Skins against ex-Dallas Cowboys/Miami Hurricanes coach Butch Davis. Arrington vs Brown, Warren up against Spurrier. The ultimate hands-on rich-kid owner against a background owner who could buy and sell him.

I think we're at least a year away (Skins might get there) but it would be fun in a lot of ways.

-Eric

[Dan from Michigan]

he is consistantly getting beat on the deep ball.

Sounds familiar. That's why I'm glad we don't have him anymore.

[E Rocc]

At least seven of the NFL's 31 teams use pat-downs: the Dallas Cowboys, New England Patriots, San Diego Chargers, Philadelphia Eagles, Buffalo Bills, New York Giants and the New York Jets. The Kansas City Chiefs use wand searches.

They're more interested in keeping people from smuggling in stuff they'd otherwise have to buy at ridiculous prices inside than they are in security.

Note that the Cleveland Browns aren't on this list. Their security is run by the former head of the Secret Service and the former head of the FBI works for the owner's main company (MBNA). If they don't think this kind of modell is neccesary, then it probably isn't.

-Eric

[E Rocc]

This from the city that likes to throw dog turds?

If you don't know the difference between a dog biscuit and a dog turd I hope you don't have pets. >:)

-Eric

[dtel]

Getting Butch was the best move Cleveland could have made.
He was very impressive in Dallas and Miami and I expect the Browns to be a force in the very near future.
Having Spurrier added to the mix is like Christmas coming early.
If we can any production out of our passing game to go with what should be a very nasty, very fast defense, we might just see the north side of .500 this year.
Go Cowboys

[philosofy123]

I am ready for REAL football! The one where the players use theit feet and not their hands. The game that trust the players to play without stopping every minute to tell them how to play!

[philosofy123]

I also forgot to say: REAL football players do not have to be 400 lbs!

[dtel]

You must be referring to that European foo-foo sport, succa, or something like that?

[dtel]

Let's do an experiment.
You start a thread on the opening of succa season and we'll see how many posts you have 1 year from today.
The over/under is 50.

[dtel]

Not counting bumps, of course. ;^)

[philosofy123]

First they only use their FOOT, and second, they use a real BALL! You guys use a bananna looking thing that is not even round, and you call it ball?

[philosofy123]

Remember the World Cup in Korea and Japan. That was a real world championship!

[dtel]

Yup, our ball bounces in funny directions, just like real life.
You can also rear back and fling the craap out of it, air attack.
Or give it to the bruiser and cram it down their throats, ground attack.
Saddam might want to watch some preseason games, don't ya think? ;^)
Who's your favorite team, American or otherwise?

[dtel]

Now that you mention it, I did hear something about that.
Didn't Zimbabwe win?

[philosofy123]

Zimbabwe, Brazil what the difference. These are far away countries. This planet has only one country that count, the US!