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GRETA VAN SUSTEREN UNDERGOES RADICAL HEAD-REPLACEMENT SURGERY

Old Head to Return to CNN in Ramped-up Ratings War

Fox News personality Greta Van Susteren, bowing to pressure from her new bosses at Fox News Channel, had her entire head surgically replaced today, Fox News announced.

A spokesman for Fox pronounced Van Susteren’s new head “a home run.”

“While we were supportive of Greta’s earlier plastic surgery, we felt that that procedure didn’t get it done,” Fox spokesman Carla Benoit told reporters.

“All of us at Fox are very excited to be working with Greta and her new, much better-looking head,” Benoit said.

Although Van Susteren joins a long list of unrecognizable surgically-altered celebrities that includes Roseanne, Liza Minelli, and Michael Jackson, radical head-replacement surgery is still a relatively rare option, experts say.

A costly and high-risk medical procedure, it was successfully performed for the first time three years ago, on Lewinskygate figure Linda Tripp, who successfully replaced her frightening head.

As Fox laid out plans to unveil Van Susteren’s new head later this week, CNN announced today that Van Susteren’s original head would be returning to her old network.

CNN, where Van Susteren had toiled for years before bolting to Fox, plans to schedule what it calls “Greta’s real head” against Van Susteren’s new head in a much-anticipated head-to-head ratings battle.

“We wish Greta well in her new job,” CNN Chairman Walter Isaacson said today in a prepared statement, “but may the best head win.”

Yahoo TWA800 Forum
From: "Jack Reed"
Date: Sat Aug 24, 2002 10:16 pm
Subject: Re: [twa800] Digest Number 751

I've read all the 755 witness reports and didn't come to the same conclusion as Ann that they ALL saw a wisp, etc, etc. What they reported was a really wild collection of tales largely influenced by the days/weeks delay in getting their FBI interviews and all the stuff they had read, heard, and seen on TV.

As for Icon, it wasn't the FBI that stonewalled release of the witness reports, because they furnished me a dozen plus with noise reports in December 1996-January 1997. Agent Steve Bongard picked them as the most informative and was digging out more as well as pushing for the re-interviews we requested when the whole shebang was turned over the NTSB. That was the dead end.

Those early reports were not censured (blacked names, addresses) so I was able to map them and the general pattern was not changed when the rest were included in the NTSB report. I still haven't gone back thru them to find out what witness numbers were later assigned to them, but it is on my agenda.

I repeat: Loud, Very Loud, Incredibly Loud plus the house shaking that drove Roger Roseblatt out to see what happened takes at least a ton of TNT and that is not explained by any of the proposed missiles, sled impacts, or CWT fuel vapor explosions.

Straight Ahead, Jack W. Reed