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A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day
she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother
of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was
paying a visit to her obstetrician's
office. When the exam was over, she shyly
began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing
a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get
asked that all the time. Sex is fine until
late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the
lawn."

The doctor took Dan into the room and said,
"Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."

Dan said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

Children Talk about Love

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he
showers at least once a day." Michelle, age 9

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad they finally got
it out and said it and now they can go eat." Dick, age 7

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls." Julia,
age 7

"You learn it right on the spot when the gushy feelings get the best
of
you." Brian, age 7

"It might help to watch soap operas all day." Carin, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you.
That's why I stopped doing it." Tammy, age 10

"If it's your mother, you can kiss her any time. But if it's a new
person, you have to ask permission." Roger, age 6

"I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but
it's
a free country and nobody should be forced to do it."

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." Dick,age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love.
Erin, age 8

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't
like picking what movie you want to watch." Natalie, age 9

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what
her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow
storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the
driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She
explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the
snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart
parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

"Are caterpillars good to eat?" asked little Tommy at the dinner table.

"No," said his father, "what makes you ask a question like that while we
are eating?"

"You had one on your lettuce salad, but it's gone now," replied Tommy.

I had called Clara from the mall and asked her if there was
anything she wanted me to bring home. She said, "How
about some comfortable underwear?"

Now men, you know from getting a grocery list and being
commanded to go fetch the stuff from the store there's no
way on the planet that we get these kind of purchases
"right." Think: Laundry detergent. There's Tide with bleach.
Tide without bleach. Tide with freshner. Tide with fabric
softener. Tide for colors. Tide for gay people. Tide for
nudists. Tide for people who throw their clothes in a grape wine vat and stomp around on 'em.

So I knew I wasn't gonna get the "comfortable underwear"
thing right. "How will I know which ones to pick?"

She said, "Hold 'em up and imagine them on me. If you
smile, put them back."

Give up?????????????