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TIPS FOR TRAVELING IN ALABAMA!

1. Rasslin' is not fake. Don't dare whisper otherwise
unless you want a kind-hearted Alabamaian to fix your
busted head with duct tape.

2. Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.

3. Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole
boys. Jeff Gordon ain't.

4. Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes
and armadillos on the Ark.

5. If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some
view that sound like pay-off bells at a slot machine.

6. Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the
deceased requested to be buried in his four-wheel drive
truck because, "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't
get out of."

7. "Y'all come back now, ya here," is a temporary statement.
We love Yankees to visit, but darn (or worse) Yankees are
those who decide to stay.

8. If you decide to stay in Alabama and bear children,
don't think we will accept them as Alabamaians. After all,
if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em
biscuits.

9. If you hear some use the word FIX or FIXIN', and it
isn't in the sense that they are repairing something.
Example: I'm FIXIN' to go to the store.... or "Y'all FIX
me a coke in there will ya!" This is a valid part of
Alabama grammar and is taught regularly in our English
classes at school.