[SamAdams76]

This is one of those issues I have changed my opinion on over the years. I used to be a big believer in marriage and family values. I would consider a man and woman living together without marriage, well, not sinful, but ill-advised. I figured that marriage strengthened the ties and made it harder for one partner to just get up and leave.

Well I have now changed my opinion completely. If a man can get away with just living with his woman, he ought to to it. Marriage should only be undertaken if the couple have lived together for a sufficient period of time that the man would would trust the woman in marriage - and even then, be very wary of the process.

Why? Because once a man and woman are married, the woman holds all the cards. The woman can utterly and totally destroy the man's life with no or little pretense. If children are produced, the man's life can be made a living hell with just one false and vengeful accusation of abuse.

And I say this as a relatively happy married guy! I have seen so many friends, co-workers and family members worked over by a vengeful spouse that I have lost my faith in our justice system to protect the rights of a man wrongfully accused by a vengeful spouse of unspeakable acts. My advice to my fellow men is to avoid marriage if possible.

[bandlength]

i disagree with you on the "woman holding all the cards." my first ex-hubbie pays a whopping $94 a month in child support (even though he has a PHD and REFUSES to get any other job than burger flipping until such time as my daughter turns 21; which is 6 mos. from now; he currently lives of his new wife who rakes in 100% disability AND has a lucrative business on the side.)

he NEVER bought a house nor a car during our marriage, so i didn't get any house or car. he left when my daughter was 2 weeks old because he decided he didn't want kids after all (3 years into the marriage). he has always worked low paying jobs to avoid paying any substantive child support.

2nd ex-hubbie has NEVER paid child support whatsoever and his son is soon to turn 15. he is a single man on welfare for the last 13 years. i ALWAYS had to support my family with little , actually NO help from daddykins, so, no, it doesn't always work in the woman's favor, and i'm living proof of that. i'll agree that many men have been shafted out there, and, having been shafted twice, i feel for them; however, it is much more difficult for a woman to make a living (given same educational level and background) than it is for a man. if a woman wants to earn over $22K a year in NY, she either has to have AT LEAST a 4 year degree (something i DON'T have), or be a stripper (something i would never stoop to).

[Nachum]

I have a first cousin who is the "Men's rights attorney". He is nationally recognized for defending men in divorces. Therefore I have heard quite a bit about men who "taken to the cleaners" in divorces. I think that these facts of co-habitation speak largely to the idea that America has become a much more secular country. There is no shame in having children out of wedlock anymore, there is no more shame in divorce (except for the cost), and their is no shame in co-habitation. If you have a true belief in God, than marriage is essential. If you do not have that belief, than reason your mind can dream of is OK for male-female relations.

By the way, not just male-female, but homosexual unions, and multiple partners become more "normal" as well.