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My wife is not beautiful!! (Islamic polygamy advice) Islam Q & A | 16 July 2002 | Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil
Question:
I have been married for a few years. During the first two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife. That is not because of religion, because she is religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her with another, but I have children from her and she loves me a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast, and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer the following comments:
1 – The problem you have is not with regard to marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem, as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.
2 – Whenever you are able and have the financial means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have children from her.
3 – Try to look at the matter from a different angle. You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats you… and many things which are ultimately more important than appearance. For with time you will get used to her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters…
4 – Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant or impolite manner… or she treats you and your family badly… what would you do?!
5 – You should be objective and not burden yourself with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from different aspects. “it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19 – interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Look for one [a wife] who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!”
May Allaah help you, protect you and make you steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth.
Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil (www.islam-qa.com)
The Sex Abuse Scandal in Perspective The Rest of the Story.... Catholic Vote.com | July 16, 2002 | CATHOLICVOTE.ORG
"At least 250 priests of more than 46,000 across the country have either been dismissed from their duties or resigned since the scandal began."
EDITOR'S COMMENT: Mathematically then, greater than 99.5% of the priesthood has remained untainted by this scandal. Reminds me of the Proctor & Gamble ads for Ivory soap: Hmmm. Maybe the headline in the Washington Post article should have read: "The Catholic Priesthood in America: Purer than Ivory Soap!".
...in the final analysis, It is between you and God; It never was between you and them anyway. ~ Mother Teresa
For the Record: There were 75 members of the clergy convicted of sexual offenses between 1985-2000. Thirty eight were Catholic Priests.
According to the Christian Science Monitor, Non-Catholic churches are reporting an average of 70 incidents a week to their insurance companies.
There were 236,000 people in jail for sexual offenses in 2000 (38 priests), according to the Juvenile Bureau of the Justice Statistics. They have a 45 page report that goes into details about time of day, location, relationship etc.
Since 1960 there have been over 140,000 men ordained in the priesthood or as Brothers. Currently there are 46,075 priests. So far this year, 250 priests have been charged with an offense, some as long ago as 45 years ago. At least 3 have already been reinstated and exonerated.
Over 10,000 priests have left to get married in the last 30 years.
We do a great disservice to parents when we only warn them about priests. The largest group of the 236,000 offenders are relatives, in the victim's home, between the hours of 3-7 PM.
The majority of the 250 offenses have been homosexual liaisons, not pedophile with prepubescent boys. Milwaukee Bishop Weakland's victim was 32 at the time of the sexual assault.
We do a great disservice to the 45,800 + priests when we stereotype them as homosexuals. There is no evidence that there are more (or fewer) homosexuals than the general population in the priesthood.
It's good that the Catholic Church should be held to a higher standard of scrutiny. One victim is one too many, and we ought to do everything possible for them. But we ought not compound the problem by attacking the Church and the clergy by stereotyping them.
Individuals have sinned, some have committed crimes, and all of them should be punished. None should be persecuted. Priests who get out of jail need to be held to their vows of obedience in permanent penance. They need to continue to be insured so they can be treated, supervised, monitored and accounted for.
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Larry Cirignano, Esq., President, CatholicVote.org PO Box 70695, Washington, DC 20024, 609-781-0090