They would from me. I get the "nappy hair", but the other two phrases mean nothing to me. Funk, I assume, is music. "The dozens?" Makes me think of welfare queens.
Some History about Playing the Dozens
"Snaps" carry references to one's relatives, especially one's mother. The expression "Playing The Dozens" means to taunt another person by taunting, kidding, "jiving," teasing or insulting their family--in essence, to use "snaps." This "gaming" has deep roots in the humor, personality, and social relationships of Black Americans.
Across the coutry there are many names for Playing the Dozens, such as capping, cracking, bagging, dissing, hiking, joning, ranking, ribbing, serving, signifying, slipping, sounding, and snapping. While the names vary, the rulre of the game remain the same.
Playing the Dozens is more than a game of fun--it is a battle for respect. It is an exhibition of emotional strength and verbal agility, a confrontation of wits instead of fists. The dozens is a war of words--perhaps the best type of war there is.
This verbal tradition combines elements of boxing, chess, and poetry. In a contest demanding the poise and power of a boxer, the aim is not just to win but to deliver a knockout. Fought before a crowd, the verbal pugilist wants not only his opponent but all who witness to think twice about confronting him or her again.
Like chess, playing the dozens requires a strategy. To win a battle, you must stay two or three snaps ahead of your opponent. Even as you are being attacked, you should be setting up your counter-snaps. Should I say something about his Fayva shoes? Or perhaps attack his fat sister? I'll save my best shot for his Kmart cologne. This is the type of strategic thinking that makes a master snapper.
Painting humorous pictures of your opponent through words is key to becoming a dozens laureate. "You're so fat, your blood type is Ragu" is an actual snap fired in a legendary battle at New York's Frederick Douglass Projects. The picture created by this verbal H-bomb still haunts the victim to this day.
Snaps have to be delivered properly in order to work effectively. The setup--"Your mother is so fat..."--is a classic example of how to cock the hammer for the ensuing snap--"...she broke her arm and gravy poured out." Like the firing of an individual snap, the delivery of a series of snaps requires a rhythm. You might loft your initial snaps slowly, then fire the successive barrage with increasing speed.
Members of the audience serve a number of fundamental roles in playing the dozens. First, they are needed to witness the event. Playing the dozens without an audience is like launching fireworks in daylight. Second, they are responsible for recording the verbal history of the battle, and then for spreading it throughout the community. Third, they fuel the conflict by responding to the snaps, and it is their reaction that determines the ultimate winner.
Some Tips for Playing the Dozens
How do you get the audience on your side?
Drawing the crowd's laughter at your opponent is what wins battles. To elicit laughter, you must recognize what makes the audience laugh. First, your snaps must be clever, original, and appear to have been crafted solely for your opponent. Second, a snap that touches a shared reality is a good bet. For example: "Your family is so poor, your father's face is on food stamps." Third, after snapping, you should occasionally eye the crowd. This will keep them laughing at your snaps, in fear of becoming a target if they don't.
Why is "your mother" so often the subject of snaps?
Like the proverbial "Mom" tattooed on a sailor's arm, there is nothing more dear to a man than his mother. Mother snaps go to the soft underbelly of your opponent. In the early days of snapping, mother jokes were the big guns. Their deployment was saved as a last resort--one that often elicited the response, "Don't talk about my mother!" Nowadays, "your mother" is a stylized opening of most snaps. In fact, they are also commonly referred to as mother jokes.
Where is the dozens played?
In playgrounds, on subways, at pizza parlors, in the classroom, on street corners, in locker rooms...anywhere peers hang out. A game of the dozens can be sparked by contact on the court or words exchanged on the street. Increasingly, you can see the dozens played in comedy clubs as comedians defend themselves against audience hecklers. Some comedians get more laughs from snapping on the audience than from their routines.
What is the distance that I should maintain between myself and my opponent?
You may get as close as you want to your opponent without making physical contact. Spatial relations are an important aspect of the game. You can use distance to heighten the effect of a snap. A snap punctuated by a hip shake, fluttering eyes, or lewd hand motion needs space in order for the audience to appreciate the effect of your body language. When the snap is composed of words alone, closing in on your opponent may enhance the power of the attack.
Do women play the dozens?
Historically, the dozens has been a male experience, but women are playing in increasing numbers. Fortunately for men, most battles remain within the sexes.
What do you wear when playing the dozens?
It is smart to wear clothes that do not give ammunition to your opponent. Battling while wearing a strange outfit could be a death wish. If you sense that you might be drawn into the dozens on any given day, be prepared not only with your wit but with your wardrobe.
Do you need a loud voice to win a game?
No. What is important is that you be aware of what kind of voice you have, and use it to your advantage. If you are soft-spoken, do not try to yell, the audience will misinterpret the straining of your voice as a sign that your opponent is landing his snaps effectively. Instead, speak softly and carry a big snap.
In short, the dozens is a thinking person's game. However, the tradition lives on because the game has soul. Ultimately, mastery of the dozens demands that you go to that place where humor, anger, joy, and pain all reside. It is from that cauldron that the greatest snaps are born and delivered.
Stupid & Ugly Snaps
You're so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook Minute rice.
You're so dumb, you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
Your girlfriend is so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator she cracked her two front teeth.
You're so dumb, if you spoke your mind you'd be speechless.
Your sister is so stupid, she went to the baker for a yeast infection.
You're so dumb, you failed Romper Room.
Your mother is so dumb, she couldn't pass a blood test.
You're so stupid, you asked for a price check at a 99¢ store.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.
Your brother is so ugly, when he sits in the sand the cat tries to bury him.
Your girlfriend is so ugly, you gave her a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.
You're so ugly, you couldn't get laid if you were a brick.
Body Snaps
Your tits are so small, you have to tattoo "front" on your chest.
Your mother has one leg longer than the other and they call her Hip-Hop.
Your sister is so skinny, her bra fits better backward.
Your sister is so skinny, she could win the Miss Somalia pageant.
Your mother is so crossed-eyed, she thinks her only child is a twin.
Your girlfriend has so much hair on her chest, her tits look like coconuts.
Your teeth have more tartar then Red Lobster.
Your sister is so bucktoothed, she can eat corn on the cob through a fence.
You're so skinny, Sally Struthers sends you food.
Your mother is so fat, she broke her arm and gravy poured out.
Your father is so fat that when he rubs his thighs together, I swear I smell bacon.
Your mother is so fat, she's got more chins than Chinatown.
Your mother is so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Your mother is so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Old & Smelly Snaps
Your breath smells like Cheez Doodles--light on the cheese and heavy on the doo-doo.
Your breath smells so bad, people on the phone hang up.
Your mother is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Your grandmother is so old, she wrote the foreword to the Bible.
Your mother is so old, she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.
Your mother is so old, her Social Security number is in Roman numerals.
Your mother is so old, her Social Security number is 1.
Poor Snaps
Your family is so poor, your mother calls TV dinner trays her good china.
Your parents are so poor, they got married for the rice.
Your car is so old, they stole the Club and left the car.
Sex Snaps
I heard you were getting sex all the time until your wrist got arthritis.
Your father is like cement--it takes him two days to get hard.
Your mother is like a doorknob because everyone takes a turn.
The only difference between your girlfriend and a subway is that everybody hasn't ridden a subway.
When I see a Christmas card that says "ho-ho-ho," I know to address it to your sister.
Your mother has so many crabs she walks sideways.
You're so horny, the last time you felt a breast it came out of a KFC bucket.