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Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp.

The small one turns to the big one and says: "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

"Hmmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"

"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

"Same here. Hmmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."

A lawyer (whom from an objective standard is rather panchy and out of shape and balding) meets this beautiful voluptuous hungry looking fit 25 year old woman in the elevator going up to his office. She is going up to her penthouse above. She asks the lawyer, do you know what I want to do right now? The lawyer says no, I don't get paid to speculate. She says, I want to take you up to my pad, give you a bubble bath, massage you, and then make wildly passionate love to you, fulfilling all your fantasizes. The lawyer responds: well I can understand your point of view, but what's in it for me?