[JustAmy]

I hope this does not offend anyone but it kind of reminds me of my mother.
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The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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Okay, I'll quit and get back to tailgate stuff.

[whoever]

Get back as soon as you can. Those are great.

I have missed you.

[lodwick]

Good one Amy! Thank you.

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is
going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to
bring over two other female friends in addition to my fiancée,
and you have to try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says,
"Okay, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."

"That's amazing! You're right, how did you know?"

His mother folds her arms across her chest and says, "I didn't
like her."