A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day 07-09-02

Billie

[whoever]

A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower someone had left out in their front yard. He flew over and sat on the handle, watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school.

One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling his lunch on the sidewalk. He picked himself up, put his lunch back in the bag and went on. But he missed a piece of bologna. The fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry.

So he flew down and started eating the bologna. In fact he ate so much that he could not fly, so he waddled across the sidewalk, across the lawn, up the wheel of the lawn mower, up the handle, and sat there resting and watching the children.

There was still some bologna laying there on the sidewalk. He was really stuffed, but that baloney sure did look good.

Finally temptation got the best of him and he jumped off the handle of the lawn mower to fly over to the baloney.

But alas he was too full to fly and he went splat!!, killing him instantly.

The moral of the story:

Don't fly off the handle when you are full of baloney.

[JustAmy]

You live in California if:

1. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.
2. It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
3. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
4. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
5. You've been to a baby shower for an infant who has two mothers and a sperm donor.
6. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
7. You can't remember . . . is pot legal?
8. A really great parking space can move you to tears.
9. You can't remember . . . is pot legal?
10. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
11. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into BDSM and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
12. It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 2000."
13. Over 85% of the cities, towns and streets start with San, Los, El, La, Santa, De La or De Los.
14. You can't remember . . . is pot legal?
15. Two overcast days in a row drive you stark raving mad.
16. A family of four owns six vehicles.
17. Everyone who lives here knows that hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, and snow storms are way times worse than earthquakes which are, after all, over almost as soon as you realize what's happening.
18. You can't remember . . . is pot legal?
19. Even if the store is across the street, you drive there.
20. You can't remember . . . is pot legal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't remember .... is pot legal? and did I alreadypost this?

[The Mayor]

Let's see if The Mayor's coffeepot works!

Of course it works you don't think i'd send you guys a bad batch do ya?

[JustAmy]

Will this work?

[palo verde]

hi Amy your post 162 is darling, the gif is cute and rofl at jokes bout CA
I live in tucson and some of it the shoe fits here too
Love, Palo

[whoever]

9 Dieting Rules

If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it it has no calories.

When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda. You eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

Foods used for medicinal purposes "never" count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e.g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls.

Cookie pieces contain no calories.The process breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.

Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.

Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

[ST.LOUIE1]

I can't remember .... is pot legal? and did I already post this?

LOL!

Hope it's not a 'senior' moment. : )

[ST.LOUIE1]

Will this work?

Gettin' close. : )

[JustAmy]

Thanks for the blonde but now I need a little gray-haired gif(t). Oh, I forgot! I'd better wait to ask for another favor until I'm out of the wolf-house.

[JustAmy]

Any closer?

[ST.LOUIE1]

Thanks for the blonde but now I need a little gray-haired gif(t).

A 'granny' type?

Oh, I forgot! I'd better wait to ask for another favor
until I'm out of the wolf-house.

Well, you didn't 'forget' that. : )

[ST.LOUIE1]

Any closer?

That did it!!!!

Welcome back, *Princess*. : )

[whoever]

Getting Old

You Know Your Getting Old When...

1. You can live without hugs, but not without your glasses.

2. You enjoy watching the news.

3. The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.

4. People ask what color your hair USED to be.

5. You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style --TWICE.

6. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

7. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

8. 8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".

9. You start Christmas shopping in August.

10. You don't like to drive after dark.

11. You say the words "Turn that music down!"

12. You point out what buildings used to be where.

[Aquamarine]

I know a couple of co-dependant mother's that should read this one.

[Billie]

If Mama_Bear was a 'real' bear, and you were a 'real' wolf, I'd sure have some wierd friendships!

[Billie]

*Lin* wanted to live there? : )

Seems like old times. :)

You're a lucky guy. : )

HUH? I'm a lucky GUY?!

[whoever]

..If Mama_Bear was a 'real' bear, and you were a 'real' wolf..

Are you telling me that they AREN'T?????

[ST.LOUIE1]

Of course it works
you don't think i'd send you guys a bad batch do ya?

Say, Mayor, could you put a little something in it to calm Amy and 'who' down?

They're getting a little too frisky tonight.

And they've been ganging up on me. : (

[Billie]

Hi, there! Make mine with chili and cheese and mustard, and I like the 'dogs' a little charred on the outside. :)

[Billie]

LOL! And here I thought I was 'special' cause he called me "Doll"