[tomkow6]

Sorry, HAD to leave work to come home............

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by
firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison
guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if
he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want
anything special. When they asked if there was something special
he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked
if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?"
said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One
thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one
whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."

[Mr_Magoo]

The Boston Symphony Orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a drink. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!" he cried.

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later, the drunk musicians staggered back into the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra.

About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy. She pointed this out to her date.

"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."