[tomkow6]

Today's feeble attempt at humor:

What movies teach us...

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
elsewhere in the universe.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen
at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light
instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will
always say: Enter Password Now.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their
family every morning even though their husband and children
never have time to eat it.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective
- or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
the size of RFK Stadium.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons
at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd
century will have lost this technology.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright
and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning
or ending phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from
left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going
to go off.

It is always possible to park directly outside any building
you are visiting.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended
from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you
bump into will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization
(especially a Macintosh snicker, snicker!!)).

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head,
they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to
make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English
to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in
seconds -unless it's the door to a burning building with a
child trapped inside.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will
cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that
affects you personally at that precise moment you turn
the television on.

[RaceBannon]

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on

That was almost true for me!

There was a tornado in CT in 79. I was getting ready for a Football game in North Carolina, music blaring, tv on but volume down, saw a map of CT on the screen and a star near the north, I thought it was about Ella Grasso.

i looked harder, saw it was too north to be Hartford, saw my home town name in lights on the TV, turned up the volume, and Max Robinson said:

Several Aircraft have been destroyed and the Governor has declared an emergency in the area. In other news...

I went into panic mode! All my family worked at the airport, my house was in the flight route to Runway 33, 1 mile off the end of it!

2 people killed, but the main street outside the airport was demolished, the tornado went straight up the road for about 3 miles. My Mom had a jacket in the cleaners, they found it 20 miles away with the tag still on it! If the tornado happened 15 minutes later, it would have been rush hour, hundreds would have been on that road directly in the tornado's path.