Posted on 07/02/2002 9:12:09 AM PDT by Stand Watch Listen
I was wandering through my local supermarket the other monrning when I noticed a young woman checking the dates on some bread. In the seat of her shopping cart was her young son, who I reckoned to be about 5 and whose name I quickly learned was Brian.
There is a reason I have not forgotten his name.
It seems young Brian had become bored and was demanding that his mother take him back to the toy aisle. I only know this because Brian started screaming the word "Toyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," the way a World Cup announcer might call a game-winning goal.
When Brian's lungs finally ran out of wind, his mother did not even look at him, instead seizing on the silence to counter with "Lower your voice, Brian," in a whining, un-authoritative whimper.
Unimpressed with his mother's instruction, Brian began screaming again, this time throwing a box of cookies out of the cart.
Amazingly, although the box of cookies landed near her, Brian's mother still did not look at her son and simply repeated her simpering plea to "Lower your voice, Brian" while the boy's face turned purple.
As his mother continued to browse without looking at him, Brian lobbed another item out of the cart. I wasn't quite sure what it was until I heard the sound of breaking glass and noticed a thin spatter of Ragu spaghetti sauce all over my pants. Slack-jawed, I simply stared back and forth between Brian and my pants.
Brian had finally gotten his mother's attention, and I watched as she followed the trail from the floor to me. There was then a brief moment of satisfaction for me, presuming I would now have the pleasure of watching this little miscreant get it - but good.
Brian's mother grabbed the cart and said, "Do we need to have a time-out?" and began to push it down the aisle. The End. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
Brian continued screaming and even managed to push some bread off the shelves as they strolled away; Brian's mother never said a word to me.
This sort of behavior - by mother and son - is indicative of the continued trends in child rearing and discipline. Just last week, the American Psychological Association's Elizabeth Gershoff reported the findings of her study, which indicates parents should never spank their children, as it could lead to anti-social or belligerent behavior later in life.
Gershoff recommends that parents who are considering spanking a deserving kid "think of something else to do - leave the room, count to 10, and come back again."
She claimed to have found links between spanking and negative behaviors, although she admits that one positive result of spanking is that children usually stop the behavior in question almost immediately.
Certainly, no one in their right mind wants to condone any sort of parental abuse of children. Nonetheless, as is usual in the utopian, politically correct world of academia, theory bends and distorts reality; reality is not what we experience, it is what these academicians tell us we are supposed to experience.
In some European countries spanking has been deemed an illegal corporal punishment, and the American Academy of Pediatrics supports such legislation.
Such laws are the natural progression of a philosophy that embraces child self-esteem more than learning and discipline. In the wake of this we are left with a young generation filled with glib, smart-mouthed, arrogant little slackers who have as little respect for their elders as they do actual knowledge of the world.
Parents are encouraged by psychologists to allow their children to "discover" the truth on their own, rather than be "limited" by parental authority. Thus, the job of teaching these children right from wrong is often foisted on the rest of society by default.
But spanking or similar forms of mild punishment are often the only way in which parents can establish boundaries with their children. Despite what tinkering psychological theorists tell us, this is not because adults make bad parents.
It is because part of a child's job description is to push the edge of the behavioral envelop and because they're not as bright as we'd like to think; they tend to do dumb things, and get in trouble, which is what growing up is all about.
What kind of idiot would argue that instead of teaching children about the world in advance, including what actions will result in punishment, you should instead stand back and let them "discover" it for themselves?
Frankly, I would prefer a child be spanked for playing with matches than watch as my house burns down because his parents would rather have the consequences discovered .
Even though you and I know that a swat on the rump would have likely prevented the mess Brian made in the bread aisle, we are told to instead concern ourselves with the meaning of that swat and whether it might make Brian anti-social or belligerent 30 years from now.
Whatever it means, it isn't making Brian any less anti-social or belligerent today.
And it won't get the Ragu out of my pants.
Sterling Rome.
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That's actually pretty convenient in a market or other public place. Leave the place, count to 10, and let somebody else kidnap your child. Great advice Gershoff!
Woo hoo! High five for that comment, of which I see very few, even among "conservatives".
Amazing, isn't it?...
I love and adore women, not the least my dear wife...But I truly believe there are areas, (certain jobs,professions) they should not be in.
I'm a curmudgeon, and having been through a couple of relationships... there are certain areas women should not be in.
JMHO, but this is where the femis have brought the rest of us, and I refuse to abide it.
FMCDH
FMCDH
AWESOME MOM! Good for you! Mortification is a great discipline/teaching tool. I've done the same thing to my child and don't regret it, either. You were right on the money.
That is absolutely untrue. Perhaps it was for your male parent & grandparent, but it stems from other emotional problems, such as immaturity, inappropriate expression of anger, etc.
And regarding your assertion that your son is a good kid BECAUSE he was not spanked, well the testimonial simply carries no water. All children are different, some require a swat on the behind to get their attention, others do not. Our oldest daughter was one to flop her big hairy toe over the line every time we drew one. She needed spankings and she got them. Our second daughter rarely challenged our authority, and when she did, a simple time out or scolding was enough to correct her behavior. BOTH of these girls are accomplished, honor roll students, and well-adjusted in every way. All kids are different, you lucked out. I think what you need is one of those "wild kids" (sometimes referred to as "willful") to change your tune.
I believe you and your husband and your Pastor are correct, and think your female friends would be ballistic about asking for "advice/permission" for anything.......JMHO
FMCDH
Ah, the wooden spoon! At our house, these are magical. After being used ONLY ONCE, they magically bring about good behavior by simply grabbing it out of the utensil crock on the counter and waving it around. Truly a wonder!!
Hitting a child teaches hitting, period. Hitting may be appropriate to avoid a life threatening injury (Get out of the street!) but no life was threatened with the flying Ragu. My folks used your discipline method, as do I, and I've never raised a hand to my eight year old. I certainly raise my voice, but most effective is a frown, a sigh, and "I'm SO dissapointed in your behavior!"
This Mom's difficulty here was her waspish, wimpy, please lower your voice, as if it was a favor to be asked! This kid is crying out for firm guidance. He does not need to be raised by his Very Best Buddy. Parenting makes you automatically the "bad guy" and if your kids don't tell you at least twice that you are the Worst Parent In The World, you aren't doing your job!
I think I spotted the problem.
Heh heh heh....I'm trying to remember the line from Johnny Dangerously..."My sister hit me once...just ONCE!"
Is that right?....somebody help me here.
FMCDH
The operartive word here is COULD. This women has never had any children, but has read a lot of books. When my first child turned one, my pediatrician told me that it was now time to set my daughter's limits. I needed to tell her no and I needed to reinforce that no at all times and spank if necessary.
My kids always know where they stand with me. I haven't had to spank them much. Seemed as though I could threaten a spanking as easily as to have given one. But, they learned that there are always consequences to bad behavior, and they didn't want to be on the brunt end of that deal.
There is nothing more sad than to see a kid who does not know what his boundaries are. Almost as sad is to see a parent who has had their rightful parenting stolen from them from the "hands are for loving" crowd.
FMCDH
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