Posted on 07/02/2002 9:12:09 AM PDT by Stand Watch Listen
I was wandering through my local supermarket the other monrning when I noticed a young woman checking the dates on some bread. In the seat of her shopping cart was her young son, who I reckoned to be about 5 and whose name I quickly learned was Brian.
There is a reason I have not forgotten his name.
It seems young Brian had become bored and was demanding that his mother take him back to the toy aisle. I only know this because Brian started screaming the word "Toyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," the way a World Cup announcer might call a game-winning goal.
When Brian's lungs finally ran out of wind, his mother did not even look at him, instead seizing on the silence to counter with "Lower your voice, Brian," in a whining, un-authoritative whimper.
Unimpressed with his mother's instruction, Brian began screaming again, this time throwing a box of cookies out of the cart.
Amazingly, although the box of cookies landed near her, Brian's mother still did not look at her son and simply repeated her simpering plea to "Lower your voice, Brian" while the boy's face turned purple.
As his mother continued to browse without looking at him, Brian lobbed another item out of the cart. I wasn't quite sure what it was until I heard the sound of breaking glass and noticed a thin spatter of Ragu spaghetti sauce all over my pants. Slack-jawed, I simply stared back and forth between Brian and my pants.
Brian had finally gotten his mother's attention, and I watched as she followed the trail from the floor to me. There was then a brief moment of satisfaction for me, presuming I would now have the pleasure of watching this little miscreant get it - but good.
Brian's mother grabbed the cart and said, "Do we need to have a time-out?" and began to push it down the aisle. The End. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
Brian continued screaming and even managed to push some bread off the shelves as they strolled away; Brian's mother never said a word to me.
This sort of behavior - by mother and son - is indicative of the continued trends in child rearing and discipline. Just last week, the American Psychological Association's Elizabeth Gershoff reported the findings of her study, which indicates parents should never spank their children, as it could lead to anti-social or belligerent behavior later in life.
Gershoff recommends that parents who are considering spanking a deserving kid "think of something else to do - leave the room, count to 10, and come back again."
She claimed to have found links between spanking and negative behaviors, although she admits that one positive result of spanking is that children usually stop the behavior in question almost immediately.
Certainly, no one in their right mind wants to condone any sort of parental abuse of children. Nonetheless, as is usual in the utopian, politically correct world of academia, theory bends and distorts reality; reality is not what we experience, it is what these academicians tell us we are supposed to experience.
In some European countries spanking has been deemed an illegal corporal punishment, and the American Academy of Pediatrics supports such legislation.
Such laws are the natural progression of a philosophy that embraces child self-esteem more than learning and discipline. In the wake of this we are left with a young generation filled with glib, smart-mouthed, arrogant little slackers who have as little respect for their elders as they do actual knowledge of the world.
Parents are encouraged by psychologists to allow their children to "discover" the truth on their own, rather than be "limited" by parental authority. Thus, the job of teaching these children right from wrong is often foisted on the rest of society by default.
But spanking or similar forms of mild punishment are often the only way in which parents can establish boundaries with their children. Despite what tinkering psychological theorists tell us, this is not because adults make bad parents.
It is because part of a child's job description is to push the edge of the behavioral envelop and because they're not as bright as we'd like to think; they tend to do dumb things, and get in trouble, which is what growing up is all about.
What kind of idiot would argue that instead of teaching children about the world in advance, including what actions will result in punishment, you should instead stand back and let them "discover" it for themselves?
Frankly, I would prefer a child be spanked for playing with matches than watch as my house burns down because his parents would rather have the consequences discovered .
Even though you and I know that a swat on the rump would have likely prevented the mess Brian made in the bread aisle, we are told to instead concern ourselves with the meaning of that swat and whether it might make Brian anti-social or belligerent 30 years from now.
Whatever it means, it isn't making Brian any less anti-social or belligerent today.
And it won't get the Ragu out of my pants.
Sterling Rome.
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Bwahahahaha!!!...My Dad played a drum set with bass drum, tight snare, and many cymbals!
FMCDH
My 4yo recently did something he shouldn't have in the store. After reprimanding him, I insisted he apoligise to the store employee who had to clean-up his mess. He was mortified (not always a bad thing). It took him almost a full 2 minutes to utter a quiet, scared, "I'm sorry.". The entire time the store employee (a mid-40yo woman) patiently stood and looked at him. He learned his lesson and has never come close to the offending behavior.
That said, sometimes ignoring a screaming child in the grocery store IS the best disclipline. For a child who craves control, spankings aren't a deterrent.
Having received nasty looks in the store for slapping one of my children's hand, spanking in public can be risky. I live in a small conservative community. I would never even consider it in a larger, more liberal city.
Perhaps part of the problem the Pastor has is the Pastor is a SHE......think?
FMCDH
Blessed is the mother who rejoices in her work.
Blessed is the mother whose children obey promptly for love.
Blessed is the mother who accepts her task as from God.
Blessed is the mother who does not worry or fret.
Blessed is the mother who can win her children's confidence.
Blessed is the mother whose children are eager to help her.
Blessed is the mother who takes a few minutes daily for God and self.
Blessed is the mother who is not troubled by trifles.
Blessed is the mother who has a sense of humor.
Blessed is the mother who sings at her tasks.
Blessed is the mother who makes home the best place on earth.
Blessed is the mother who takes her children into partnership.
This was published in a woman's magazine many years ago.
Reading it makes you realize just how much the world has changed, and how disadvantaged children are today to be dropped off at day care, or left to die in hot cars while their mothers have more important "priorities". What is missing in this world is RESPECT.
How can we demand respect from children when they have been made to feel like excess luggage in our lives? And how is a spanking AT THIS POINT going to instill that love and respect?
The problem with children today is they don't have loving mothers at home who show their children how to love and be loved. The greatest gift a mother can give is love, not a Happy Meal and a Gameboy.
"Blessed is the mother whose children obey prompty for love."
A sorry world this will be when all of these unloved/unlovable children grow up to have children of their own.
Amen. I have three children and do not beleive I have been required to raise a hand to them or utter the word "no" more than once in any specific circumstance after each one turn four years old.
My oldest is 15. She is taking college courses, in honor roll, and love gymnastics. My middle child is 11. He's in honor roll and loves karate, and my youngest just turned 5. She loves gymnastics and wants to marry Daddy when she gets older.
Spanking (not abuse) works.
I guess it seemed okay to the old man to bloody his three-year old's nose because grandma's bathroom was left a mess. And, granted, his sixteen-year old burning a model airplane out back may not have been the smartest thing to do, so taking a two-by-four across his ass ought to teach a good lesson, right? Once spanking is established as an option, delineation regarding appropriateness and severity blur. Spanking and beating become synonymous. However, I'm not passing judgment -- just speaking from experience.
I vowed to break the cycle and have never laid a hand on my now seven-year old boy. Same for his mom (where she learned from her parents). There's no need to hit him. Seeing other kids get spanked while in public has prompted on more than one occasion his reaction, "Dad, what's wrong with that mommy?" How insightful the boy's become.
BTW, He's the most well-behaved child I know, is respectful of his teachers and peers, loves to play sports, and tested in the 96th percentile of the ITBS -- 99th in math.
I think that is great that your child listens so intently to every word you say and does not misbehave. I imagine many envy this. Sadly, I have also heard this from parents of children who are like this their entire life and for no apparent reason turn into demon spawns at 16.
I for one believe that children need to learn to be inconvenienced. To hear the word, "No!" To understand that things will not always go the way that we want them to. They need to learn disappointment and shame. If children are not even a little bit rebellious they will never learn how to handle things when the situation turns bad. Or how to handle themselves emotionally when they are disappointed. Children should be allowed in a controlled environment to make mistakes and learn from them. Action/Reaction principles, common sense is established through lessons and mistakes. To me if children are ALWAYS good and never give you any problems. Honestly, that would worry me more then a child who misbehaves a little and needs to be spanked to learn a lesson.
No that is not okay. I do not believe anyone is saying that is okay to harm a child in that manner. If you are describing something that happened to you as a child. Then your father should have made you cleaned up the whole mess in the bathroom. Let grandma destroy one of his favorite toys. Or have him do it. Then make him apologize to his grandmother. And to be quite honest. A three year old does not really need to go into the bathroom alone. So the father/mother should have been upset with themselves as well. I am proud of you for breaking a chain of real child abuse that occured in your past and your wife's past. However, you can disipline a child without appearing out of control to your child and to others.
Roger THAT!!
There's a HUGE difference between a spanking (I never needed more that one swat,across the top of the calf with two fingers when my five kids were very young, and with the flat of my hand across the "glutes" when older) and a "beating"!
Even Dr Spock, whose own son committed suicide after being raised "that way", admitted he was VERY wrong before he died - too late for a whole, ruined generation, though!!
Only politically correct anal openings object to spanking as ONE OF SEVERAL disciplinary tools a GOOD parent should use to help their kids see the light! It should be administered immediately, without hesitation, at the time of the infraction. This includes in public, such as in grocery stores (or anywhere else) when child behavior is not acceptable!!
DUH!
And I apologize if my post implied my kid is coddled, never misbehaves, and is the perfect angel. He's not; he's seven and makes the same mistakes seven-year olds across time have made. He also sees Mom and Dad correcting his misbehaviour in a controlled and mistake-appropriate manner that doesn't, by deliberate reason, include hitting. You pick your parenting style and I'll pick mine.
When my daughter misbehaves, she gets the opportunity to stop or she gets a 2 minute time out. I can tell by her weeping and frown that this has all the effect needed. She’s not an angel 100% of the time either, but when I do need to raise my voice or get her attention, it’s unusual enough to immediately garner a response.
Maybe some children are so out of control that spanking is the only way to deal with them, fortunately, I haven’t had to do it myself.
Owl_Eagle
”Guns Before Butter.”
No, not if they don't discipline them...and with a rod or something that will have an effect. But nothing new here, there are always enough fools on hand (including me) who think they know better than God what is best for them.
Indeed. Sounds like he perfectly intuited what you wanted to hear. Don't think for a minute that he will appreciate your lack of discipline...later on. It will inevitably be interpreted as a lack of love.
But that's later, right? At least you feel good and can pat yourself on the back now. For your son's sake get a grip sir!
BTW, He's the most well-behaved child I know, is respectful of his teachers and peers, loves to play sports, and tested in the 96th percentile of the ITBS -- 99th in math.
Congratulations! Sounds like you have a typical first-born child. Are there any others?
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