Can we cut off his privates as punishment & microwave them before his unbelieving eyes? Sure, I heartly volunteer. Preferably with a pair of very dull, very rusty pair of scissors.
If you used pruning shears, you wouldn't have to to touch them.
I was think more along the lines of a gas powered weedeater with a spool full of speedometer cable. And a drum of lemon juice for cleanup afterwards.