[Don Myers]

"...in the heat of the moment he cauterizes it too much and suffers third degree burns..."

Ok, maybe this guy can pull out a flame thrower and apply some real heat.

[Bonaparte]

There ya go! Beats Robitussin every time! Or if doesn't have a flame-thrower, he can us a blow torch. You gotta use professional tools to get a professional result, right?

And what about poochie? He's man's best friend, right? He dashes over there to help master out. Starts lickin' the poor guys wounds. But then he realizes this smells just like a fried pork chop. Tastes like it too. So, even though he's man's best friend, he's also a creature of instinct and as he sinks his teeth into the guy's gut and starts chowin' down, he's only obeying mother nature, right? I mean, there's no malice happenin' here, 'cuz what we got is a clumsy guy and a dumb animal acting on blind instinct. It's what ya call a tragic event. Yeah, that's it. A tragic event.