Posted on 06/17/2002 4:32:23 PM PDT by Sub-Driver
Please, Please, Please? Nagging Has Become the Norm for Many Youth
By Martha Irvine The Associated Press
Alex Negelein admits that when there's something he really, really wants, he's willing to ask his dad for it "150 times."
The 9-year-old's pestering may be on the extreme side, but he's hardly alone. A new survey has found that, even when their parents say "no," nearly six of 10 young people keep nagging - an average of nine times.
The survey, released Monday, also found that 10 percent of 12- and 13-year-olds said they ask their parents more than 50 times for products they've seen advertised.
Officials at the Center for a New American Dream, who commissioned the survey, call it the "nag factor." They say it shows that kids - while annoying their parents - are feeling pressure from peers to buy the latest products.
"They are being made to feel that if they don't have the right low-cut designer jeans, the right video game or the right designer watch, they aren't going to have a friend - that they're going to be rejected by other kids, " says Betsy Taylor, executive director of the Takoma Park, Md.-based center, which promotes responsible consumption of resources and goods.
Of those polled, about a third said they feel pressure to buy certain products, and more than half said that buying those products makes them feel better about themselves.
When it comes to nagging, 55 percent said they can usually get their parents to give in.
The poll, which has a margin of error of 3.5 percentage points, included the answers of 750 American youth, ages 12 to 17, who were contacted by phone last month. But experts say nagging is a habit learned much earlier.
Marian Salzman, chief strategic officer for the ad agency Euro RSCG, says about 60 percent of the young people the agency has interviewed for research said they knew how to manipulate their parents on "small things" before they started first grade.
And, increasingly, even the youngest children have spending power - an estimated $52 billion for ages 4 to 12 by 2006, compared with a projected $40 billion this year and $17.1 billion in 1994.
All of that has made nagging an "art form", says Salzman, who believes parents have only encouraged it by giving kids much more say in family decisions.
"Kids sit at the center of today's households," Salzman says.
Alex's dad, Chris Negelein, has instituted a rule: "Ask once, and only once." He says Alex is learning to follow it.
And if he doesn't, he knows what happens.
"We have to leave the toy section," Alex says with a sigh.
As a reward for good behavior, Negelein takes his son to a Pokemon tournament near their home in Pompano Beach, Fla., on Saturdays. That way, Alex can actually play with the cards he has from the Japanese game, rather than just collect them and continually ask for more.
"You try to set the ground rules to teach your kids that materialism is a means to an end, but it's not a means to life," says Negelein, who divorced Alex's mom and took custody of the boy a year ago after behavior problems arose.
With advice from a counselor, Negelein started setting limits and Alex is getting back on track. He has even made the honor roll at school.
But Negelein admits it's sometimes difficult not to weaken when Alex wants something, especially with the waves of licensed products that accompany every blockbuster movie.
In the long run, Taylor says she hopes the Center for a New American Dream can help persuade Congress to pass laws further limiting advertising to young people. But ultimately, she says, it's a parent's responsibility to set better limits and stick to them.
Marvin Berkowitz, a developmental psychologist at the University of Missouri-St. Louis and an expert in character education, agrees.
He says giving in to a child who "asks and asks and asks" only rewards the behavior. "The child essentially learns to be a nagger," he says.
Melissa Cooney, a 15-year-old from Indianapolis, believes that's true.
"If we are spoiled," she says, "it's kind of the parents fault, too, for giving in to us."
But she says sometimes teens just want to be heard - and to have more control over their lives. That's why she bugged her parents until they agreed to let her visit her older sister in Florida this summer.
"They got sick of me asking," says Cooney, who saved money from her birthday and baby-sitting for the trip. "And I proved that I could get the money to do it."
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On the Net:
Center for a New American Dream: http://www.newdream.org/campaign/kids/tips.html
Yikes, what the heck is that?
My kids ask to do extra chores. After a few days of work, they forget about it or decide it's not worth it.
There was one thing that they really wanted that they pooled their resources, did chores, and saved their money for several months.
Now that they have it, they're very diligent in taking care of it.
Lots of times, they control their own spending urges when we go to the store just by looking at the price tag.
xsboy on the other hand, age 10.5, will spend his last dime for a videogame. He is working this summer at jobs around the house (designated by his father)to earn enough $ to buy an x-box. he has wanted one for as long as they have been out and we have refused. it is so much better than riding his butt to get him to do things!
I tell them "NOBE"
It is a take off of the word "maybe". Maybe is a positive response that means it might happen. It normally means ask again.
"NOBE"means "NO" but, I'll consider after I have a chance to think about it.
They learn one of the quickest ways to go from "NOBE" to "NO" is ask me again.
When they get their answer, they understand it is my final one, any additional times I am asked is taken very, very, very seriously That only happens once.
Parents just need to learn that they are not their children's friends, they are the adults and should act like it.
Whoa, stay away from 'shrooms!! LOL!
I think I turned out okay....
When I worked as a cashier at a local sporting goods store, I was astounded to observe the parent-child interactions. Too frequently, I would see a kid ask for something -- candy, a cheap toy, or something. The parent would say no, but the kid would nag, or failing that, throw a temper-tantrum. The parents more frequently than not would cave and buy the thing little Johnny or Susie wanted. Guess that explains a lot of the teenaged angst we see today....
Yikes, what the heck is that?
I dunno, but I sure hope it's something good to eat.
I should add that my wife just found out that she has adenomyosis, and so she is attempting to cure herself without surgery. I guess ABM is praised thoughout Japan for helping people cure their cancer and other such abnormalities. But, obviously, you don't need to go out and buy 2 years of the stuff at once, let alone without telling your spouse about the purchase.
That alone is bad enough, but she got all mad at me when I questioned her thinking (note, I didn't get mad and yell, I simply questioned her) about not coming to me first so I could do some research and price comparisions on ABM before she signed a contract for two years supply. She thinks I don't care about her problem. Sigh...
My wife who had always been good about not whining about getting things while we were dating, suddenly showed her true spoiled colors once she got a wedding ring on her finger. Whine, whine.
At great sacrifice, I saved some money and surprised her with a dress that cost me a whole week's salary. She was the "belle of the ball" at the big to-do and turned everyone's heads, jealous females included.
FOUR DAYS after this, she started on one of her whiny rants and said, "You never get me anything", so self-possessed at the time, she had totally forgotten about the dress. Suddenly, her mouth dropped open when she realized what she had just done. I picked up the phone, handed it to her, and said, "Call your Dad and ask him to come pick you up, he can spoil you."
I filed for divorce, and it was official on Valentine's Day.
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