Clinton Jokes

Late Night Jokes ^

[My Identity]

Enjoy

[My Identity]

Senator Ted Kennedy is holding hearings this week in the Senate subcommittee on Public Health to search for answers to the obesity epidemic sweeping America. It's all really so sad. Bill Clinton doesn't have a legacy and Monica Lewinsky does.
- Argus Hamilton, May 22

Hillary Clinton took the Senate floor and held up a New York Post with a headline saying Bush Knew. The experiment worked. She proved that as long as her husband is in East Timor she's got the political instincts of an Acapulco cliff diver at low tide.
- Argus Hamilton, May 22

[martin_fierro]

President Clinton has Star-Wars fever, he was up at his house in Chappaqua and was using the force on an intern.

This one's marginally funny. Clintoon sure used The Force on Juanita Broaddrick.

[Samwise]

Ba da bing bump

[Tacis]

The most wonderful thing about these jokes is not that they are funny but that they define Willie's legacy. In 50 years, when people look back and say, "What was Clinton like, as a person?", these jokes, his disbarment and the Transcripts of the Special Prosecutor will say it ALL. In his favor? Only the fact that we had poor researchers and criminal investigators. They will unable to PROVE that Willie was a criminal. The record proves that he was less than honest and had NO integrity. His legacy will also be defined by the folks who speak for him, Begala, Rich, McCaulife, Emanuel, Davis and so on, right down into the sewer. Enjoy these jokes for what they really are!

[My Identity]

Hillary Clinton downplayed reports Monday she is favored among Democrats for vice president in 2004. Her character would be a definite plus. For eight years, she was the only woman in Washington who was not romantically linked to the president.
- Argus Hamilton, May 17

[tractorman]

The worst foursome in golf.

O.J.
Monika
Ted Kennedy
Bill Clinton

O.J. is a slicer
Monika is a hooker
Ted can't drive over water
And Bill can't remember the last hole he was on.

[tractorman]

The worst foursome in golf.

O.J.
Monika
Ted Kennedy
Bill Clinton

O.J. is a slicer
Monika is a hooker
Ted can't drive over water
And Bill can't remember the last hole he was on.

[Harrison Bergeron]

Satan: Why so glum?
Clinton: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Clinton: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca... We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Clinton: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Clinton: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Clinton: Wow... that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Clinton: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow. What about Drugs?!?
Clinton: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.
Clinton: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Clinton: No...
Satan: (grimaces) Oooooooh... You're gonna hate Fridays.

[LetsRok]

What do you get when you stand Hillary Clinton on her head?

A brunette with really bad breath.

[stevio]

Here's a joke: Bill Clinton.

Ha ha ha, Oh I can't stop. Ha ha ha.

[Young Werther]

Excuse me. Wouldn't Hildebeast, suckin' on a straw, be more to the point? {PUN INTENDED!!!}

[Quilla]

Ah say, many pundits wonder just what my legacy is is, well ah'll tell ya - Ah mistakenly thought harass was two words.
Bill Clinton, wheneva

[My Identity]

scary

[Wave Rider]

Also she looks like a Dope Head on a Rope that needs to have it around her Neck and PULLED Hard over a CLIFF.

[tracer]

I know of four: Bill, Hillary!!, Chelsea, and Roger.

OK, maybe not Chelsea.......

[Tennessee_Bob]

And the one thing someone can say about Clintoon that will have me rolling on the floor in hysterics?

CLINTON WAS A GREAT PRESIDENT!