SIZE:
Why? Am I making you horny? Let's shag, baby!
It's not the size, but how I use it. But I will tell you I'm 6'2".
And I have elephantitis of the genitals. YEAH, BABY!! YEAH!!
Can you imagine Long Dong Shmelter trying to pick up women at a bar? I bet his pickup line goes something like this:
"Hi! I'm Long Dong Schmeltzer and I am the PRESS SECRETARY for Congressman Waddler. And if that doesn't impress the hell out of you, I have the BIGGEST Ding-Dong of all the Congressional Press Secretaries. Now let's SHAG BABY!! YEAH!"
And although I was a pretty big dork, I was amongst a select group of dorks! The Play Fags. . .(today) I probably wield more power than Tom Stretton (a HS teacher). I live in Washington, DC and constantly meet people 2000 times more powerful than him. My job probably has a zillion times more to do with the fate of the nation than what Doc (Stretton) does with his days.
I have to say, any girls who liked me in High School (and you know who you are), I was a total doofus and probably didn't realize you were interested. So please send me an email (ESchmeltzer@publicampaign.org) because I think I finally matured to the level of an 18-year-old!1