It helps addicts get 8 hours sleep - so they stay hooked longer!
By ROSE BROWN
BOGOTA, Colombia - Colombian drug lords had a problem: Their best customers kept dying due to health problems caused, in part, by lack of sleep.
Say hello to "Crack P.M.", a new cocaine product with a sleep additive that lets addicts get high but still enjoy the health benefits of a full night's rest.
And Drug Enforcement Agency insiders admit the terrifying new drug has received rave reviews from addicts in all three U.S. cities where it's been test-marketed by Columbian kingpins.
"It's fantastic," a Miami security guard who claims to have been hooked on crack for the last three years told reporters.
"I used to show up for work all bleary-eyed and starved for sleep. Now I switch to Crack P.M. after dinner, hit the sack by 10, and wake up refreshed and ready to get high and put in a full day's work."
An all-night New York cabbie also gives the new drug a big thumbs up.
"Sleeping during the day isn't easy when you're buzzed out of your mind. Crack P.M. changed my life."
DEA watchdogs confirm the terrifying new drug is the brainchild of Colombian cocaine kingpin known only as "The Viper".
He reportedly told Colum-bian newspaper through his attorneys: "You can't make money when your customers keep dropping dead. Most Americans live past 70. Your average crackhead never sees 50.
"We had to do something."
"Now crackheads get their sleep, employers get better work, and our customers stay hooked for many more years!" beamed The Viper. "It's win-win for everybody."
The Viper refused to confirm rumors about New Crack with Extra Vitamin C, but smiled and said, "If it keeps them alive and buying, I'm all in favor of it."
Published on: March 1, 2002
Best Regards!
Buckeroo