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Look, the monastary was destroyed deliberately, not in a friendly fire snafu. All deaths from war are to be regretted, but you cannot equate men under arms with refugees.

My point is that the destruction of the abbey served no tactical purpose, and that this destruction was entirely elective and avoidable.

I hope you find your guy whose father was there, but don't expect this to clear up anything for you. An ordinary soldier's view of events is limited entirely to what he's seen or heard (frequently at second or third hand). I don't think there are many soldiers whose mere presence in a theatre of war confers a global understanding of what went on.

" My point is that the destruction of the abbey served no tactical purpose, and that this destruction was entirely elective and avoidable."

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
The picture I have from that book has the Abbot with four german soldiers, two of which look like they are highly ranked. The Abbot did survive by staying in one of the cellars. The person I'm trying to contact for my own information is the son of a man who commanded troops during the battle. I'm sure he would know where their command headquarters was located.