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Worst I ever witnessed...

New guy was sent to inspection to pick up some Fallopian tube.
Inspection says sorry, we sent the last of our Fallopian tube over to branch.
I had to see what happened next, so I followed him over to branch.
The admin over at brance suggested the new guy talk to the Lieutenant, the only female in the branch office.

I guess someone tipped her off, she handed the New guy about 5 feet of surgical tubing and note. The guy never let anyone read the note, but I remember his face being red the rest of the day.

Best one I ever did:

I was a DP2 at EPMAC in NOLA and was in charge of a bank of 18 tape drives driven by an IBM 360/70. We had our own monitor which let us know when tape drives needed to be loaded or unloaded. I had a DP3 and a seaman deuce under me, because those tape drive were always hungry, and it took 3 of us to keep up with them. It was getting rather late of a particularly busy day, and everyone was getting tired. The DP3 and I were sitting down during a brief lull in the action while the seaman deuce was hanging some tapes in the library.

The DP3, on impulse reached over to the monitor and turned the brightness down to nothing. As he was starting to turn it up, I had an idea and told him to keep it down. When the seaman came back, she noticed that the monitor was blank while the DP3 and I were, to all appearances, engaged in conversation with each other.

When she called our attention to this fact, I looked at the monitor in a very annoyed fashion and said: "Dang! Looks like the light ribbon has run out. We need a new one." I sent her to the chief (across the room) to see where she could pick one up.

Now, the chief was not in on the prank, but proved himself a true product of the fleet by writing up a supply chit so she could get a new one. If the DP3 and I had not almost been rolling on the floor with laughter, she would actually have gone to the supply locker to get one.