As it turns out about, about 46% of you are liberal, 46% of you are conservative, and the rest of you just want your guns, drugs and brothels (here in the US, we call them folks "libertarians").
Conservatives are rather fond of guns too, and the libartarians I know aren't in favor of brothels. As we've seen, even flaming lefty gun-grabbers like their guns- they just don't want others to have them.
In the spirit of fairness, and of completeness, let me go down the list and tell you what I hate about each major branch of political thinking.
Interesting that he leaves out some other political branches, like true socialism, which is far more 'major' than the little liberals these days.
The author clings more to the Naderite viewpoint, it appears- his gripes against liberals are those of another leftist, disgusted with the liberal's shortcomings in pursuing the left's goals:
Liberals: The stupidest and weakest members of the political triumvirate, they allowed conservatives to turn their name into a slur against them... Liberals champion the poor and the weak but do it in such condescendingly bureaucratic ways that the po' illedumacated Cleti would rather eat their own shotguns than associate with the likes of them.
(This last comment sets off my mean-spirited-condescending-liberal alert. Most gunowners are more educated than the liberals who seek to disarm them.)
Defensive and peevish even when they're right.
Only a lefty would ever entertain the idea that a liberal could be right.
Under the impression that people in politics should play fair, which is probably why they get screwed as often as they do (nb: 2000 Presidential election).
Only an EXTREME leftist, kool-aid-drinking naderite would be stupid enough to believe that any liberal thinks people in politics should play fair, when there are virtually no examples of liberal politicians who do play fair. Run-of-the-mill moderate lefties are not at all ashamed of dirty politics, abuse of power, plageurism, bribery, perjury, fried-chicken-dinners-for-votes, preying upon alzheimer's victims for votes, voting for John McCain in primaries, or of recording the cell phone conversations of conservatives.
Liberals are politically able to have all sorts of freaky mammal sex but typically don't;
Rosie, Janet Reno, Bill Clinton and Hillary don't have freaky mammal sex? How does this guy know what liberals do not do behind closed doors? This guy obviously has a higher opinion of liberals than I do- and has never seen a liberal in a pet shop gloating over the gerbils.
good liberal foreplay is a permission slip and three layers of impermeable barriers.
Don't be silly- it's a bottle of ecstacy and some everclear. Animals and small children don't require permission slips anyway.
The only vaguely liberal person we know of who seemed to enjoy sex in the last 30 years is Clinton, and look what he got out of it.
Clinton claimed that that wasn't sex. Remember?
Conservatives: Self-hating moral relativists, unless you can convince me that an intellectual class that publicly praises family values but privately engages in sodomy, coke and trophy wives is more aptly described in some other way.
Wow. Not one conservative I have known ever engaged in sodomy, and the last time I checked, coke was the drug of choice in the Clinton white house. The conservatives I know don't even know where to buy the stuff, unless they are cops who have to go to those locations to arrest perps once in a while. I'm not a moral relativist nor do I hate myself; and I am not ashamed of my past because my morality has kept me out of trouble.
Not every conservative is an old wealthy white man on his third wife, but nearly every conservative aspires to be so, which is a real waste of money, youth, race and women.
The only folks I know who are on their third wife are liberal or apolitical. And since I'm female and straight, I have no desire for any wife, much less a third one. I'm still trying to figure out why the author brought race into this...must be that typical leftist wordview shining through?
Genuinely fear and hate those who are not "with" them --
OK, got me there. I HATE socialists. I wouldn't have to fear them if they weren't teaching kids to be morons in public school.
the sort of people who would rather shit on a freshly-baked cherry pie than share it with someone not of their own tribe.
If I made the darn pie, I can do whatever I like with it. If you want some, you can buy a slice for $1.75. and I won't shit on it or even permit flies to land on it because I can make a profit off of the thing only if it looks and smells good to potential buyers. Now THAT's a conservative philosophy.
Conservatives believe in a government by the oligarchy, for the oligarchy, which is why the conservative idea of an excellent leader is Ronald Reagan, i.e., genial, brain-damaged and amenable to manipulation by his more mentally composed underlings.
'Fraid not. Reagan was brilliant and he defeated the pathetic excuses for political philosophy that flourished in his day- communism and the liberals. If he was 'brain damaged' when he did it, wouldn't that tell you all you need to know about the intelligence of his political opponents? Conservatives believe in the ideas espoused in the US constitution. You know- that document too many nonconservatives find inconvenient.
Under the belief they own the copyright on Jesus and get testy when other political factions point out that technically Christ is in the public domain.
Uh, no. Conservatives believe Jesus should be respected and Christian symbols should not be immersed in bottles of urine. Remember that cherry pie thing you talked about? Why is it that leftists want to shit on Christianity?
Conservatives don't actually bother to spend time with people who are not conservative, and thus become confused and irritable when people disagree with them;
I don't like to spend time with liberals because they try to dumb down everyone with whom they make contact. You can't go out to eat with them because they are snotty to the waiters and are tightwads when it comes to tipping. Worse, a real far lefty always tries to wrangle you into paying the entire bill. And then there is the sheer embarassment of hanging around with people who try to dress like streetpeople or who are covered head to toe in Persian cat fur.
fundamentally can't see how that's even possible (to dosagree with a conservative), which shows an almost charming intellectual naiveté.
Correction: we as conservatives are always stunned at how liberals don't recognize common sense when it slaps them upside the head.
Less interested in explaining their point of view than nuking you and everything you stand for into blackened cinders before your evil worldview catches on like a virus.
What the author doesn't like is that intellectually, conservatives CAN nuke libnerals into oblivion any time they can get a chance to speak without a liberal interrupting or trying to shout down the conservative.
Conservatives have no volume control on their hate and yet were shocked as Hell when Rush Limbaugh went deaf.
I hate socialism and communism. Outside of that, I'm the most loving person you'll ever know, because I don't hate people for their race, color or faith. I only hate those who try to destroy my freedom.
Conservatives clueless enough to think that having Condi Rice and Andrew Sullivan on the team somehow counts as diversity.
Diversity is overated if you mean that we have to conduct serious political debate with people who think there is a mother ship orbiting the earth waiting to destroy white people. It is overated if you mean that we have to treat NAMBLA and al-Qeada as political think-tanks with a legitimate point of view.
Pen their "thinkers" like veal in think tanks rather than let them interact with people who might oppose their views.
Please explain how we could prevent our thinkers from interacting with anyone they please? Don't confuse a person's desire not to waste time with mindless, stupid, leftist people. You can't fix 'stupid.' It is better to just make stupidity unfashionable.
Loathe women who are not willing to have their opinions as safely shellacked as their hair. Let their sons get caught with a dime bag and see how many are really for "zero-tolerance."
My son gets caught witrh a dime bag and he'll be begging the police to lock him away to keep him safe from Mom and Dad's ire. We stayed out of crime and drugs because Dad told us he would kill us if we didn't. And we were convinced that he was the type who might just do it, too. If my folks had Johnny Taliban as a son they would be buying the rope for the hangman.
Let a swarthy day laborer impregnate their daughters and find out how many of them are really pro-life.
My family raised up a lot of adopted kids left over from bad liberal decisions. Dad was pretty swarthy so I don't see your point here?
Libertarians: Never got over the fact they weren't the illegitimate children of Robert Heinlein and Ayn Rand; currently punishing the rest of us for it. Unusually smug for a political philosophy that's never gotten anyone elected for anything above the local water board.
They are entitled to be smug; they at least have principles a leftist lacks.
All for legalized drugs and prostitution but probably wouldn't want their kids blowing strangers for crack;
Why not? Liberals think such behavior is the norm for their kids.
all for slashing taxes for nearly every social service but don't seem to understand why most people aren't at all keen to trade in even the minimal safety net the US provides for 55-gallon barrels of beans and rice, a crossbow and a first-aid kit in the basement.
I think the author confused the Reform Party with Libertarians here- Libertarians aren't big on survival supplies. I'll happily trade in the 'safety net' the US government unconstitutionally provides because I'll never benefit from it; it isn't my money to steal from my fellow citizens in the first place, and because if you are responsible, you have no need for a safety net provided by others, much less a useless one created by a bloated and criminally inefficient federal government.
Blissfully clueless that Libertarianism is just great as long as it doesn't actually involve real live humans.
The author confused communism with libertarianism here.
Libertarians blog with a frequency that makes one wonder if they're actually employed somewhere or if they have loved ones that miss them.
What the heck is 'blog?' Is it ebonics or what?
Libertarian blogs even more snide than conservative blogs, if that's possible. Socially slow -- will assume other people actually want to talk about legalizing hemp and the benefits of a polyamorous ethos when all these other folks really want is to drink beer and play Grand Theft Auto 3.
What other folks really want to steal cars? Is the author from East St. Louis? For the most part people would rather discuss tax cuts. ; )
Libertarianism the official political system of science fiction authors, which explains why science fiction is in such a rut these days. Libertarians often polyamorous (and hope you are too) but also somewhat out of shape, which takes a lot of the fun out of it.
The author seems to have a fixation on sex. Methinks he needs to find a date- that way he'll have less time to write drivel.
Easily offended; Libertarians most likely to respond to this column. The author will attempt to engage subtle wit but will actually come across as a geeky whiner
The author is right here- he does come across as a whiner, though I wouldn't call him a geek.
Libertarians secretly worried that ultimately someone will figure out the whole of their political philosophy boils down to "Get Off My Property."
Sounds like a VERY GOOD philosophy to me, libertarian or conservative.
I'm guessing you thought I was way off on your political philosophy but right on the button about the other two. Just think about that for a while.
Nope- I think you're way off about ALL these political philosophies. Now let's discuss yours.
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It's a different story entirely with some conservatives overseas, like the Tories, for instance. They're self-righteous moralists in public, yet some procure the services of "rent boys" on the side.