Posted on 03/06/2002 7:30:33 AM PST by Beata
Lemon Law for Lawyers,
it should have been coined at the onset of civilization and etched with the Tablets down the mountain. Instead we invented the wheel of Fortune and a Bailiff's version of Vanna White. Over 2,000 years later, a new discovery! Lemon Law is here. Let's send them all lemons and watch them pucker up to our reality check. They can't do what they are doing, but they will until someone will stop them. They are the 'Bulls' we are the 'Bears' so to speak. Time for Safari hunting. Satirical Safari that is:
The United States Division of Angry A.H. Citizens receives hundreds of complaints each year about defects, misconducts, arrogance and corruption of lawyers and judges that no one seems to be able to redress.
By the year 2002, the Legislature will pass a Lemon Law for Lawyers and Judges that is stronger and more comprehensive than the original Lemon Law passed in 1984, originally for the protection of moving vehicles buyers only. This sorely needed new Legislature is a blessing and a balm on the large population scored by a long-standing tradition of having been robbed blind, and most arrogantly on top of that, by the legal fraud perpetrators, day after day after years on end. The time has come for every Citizen to hear and speak 'in Tongues', that is to speak and understand the legal jargon used as a secret language code by the legal fraud perpetrators, that has kept the population in awe and incapacitated to defend themselves. The times are over ripe for this reform. Send a lemonade carton, or a lemon basket, to your very own 'legal eagle' today. Guaranteed to win them over and start their dead engine for you at last. As an alternative, cardiac shock treatment is another consideration in the plans.
WHAT IS A LEMON?
A "Lemon" is a lawyer or a Judge unfortunately stuck at the bottom of one's shoe any time after January 1, 1987, that has a defect or condition that substantially impairs his tunnel vision and already twisted perception of what reality is. The gravest most common cases actually report a typical pattern of calling the truth a lie and vice versa; the lies or 'untruths' go unnoticed just as one's breathing pattern goes unnoticed, until the patient / Client is overcome by the onset of prima facie emphysema combined with luck of funds. Typically, the Client Legal Victim cannot repair the damage after at least four attempts of good faith communication; or the Lawyer / Judge's brain is out of service for repairs for a cumulative total of 30 or more years during the term of protection. This Law is only applicable if the legal service and / or Court date was seeked in good innocent faith, which seems to be the norm today. Under the statute, the State must replace the Lawyer / Judge or refund the purchase price (less a reasonable allowance for use).
CONTRACT BID
The State is actually issuing a bid for a contract, searching for an automatic "Law Machine" that would just issue the proper legal briefs and Court Orders together with the candy and soda bottles at a fixed price. Such move to automated fast-food Justice would be a great advance and progress in the intelligence and effectiveness of our Legal system. The savings would be astronomical, both financially and emotionally and would prolong overall life span by keeping everyone's bad stress cholesterol down to a small check.
WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I HAVE A LEMON?
If you have a lemon, you must notify the Division of Angry A.H. Citizens of the problem in writing by certified mail. The legal Attorney-anderthal has an additional opportunity to repair your case within 10 days. If the attorney cannot / will not repair your case and the Angry A.H. Division has an informal dispute settlement procedure that complies with Fair-Trade Commission regulations, the refund and replacement provisions of the Lemon Law won't apply until the legal fraud perpetrator submits to the procedure, which consists of strapping them to a 'Truth' device not unlikely a 'Polygraph Truth machine' as in the latest 'Meet the Parents' movie with DeNiro. Unfortunate cases of electrocutions by this Truth learning device reported are justified and quickly dismissed under the Hearsay rule.
You are not bound by the decision of the Truth Test and can still seek available legal remedies, including asking a court to award a replacement Judge or ask Miss Cleo to proxy for the Judge, or reimbursement of the purchase price (less a reasonable allowance for use), plus attorney fees and court costs.
WHEN CAN I TAKE ACTION?
You can file a law suit at anytime within one year from the date of original delivery of your lawyer's contract or within six months from the expiration of your expressed last motion, whichever is later. Extended warranties are available.
You should consult your Attorney and Judge and make them aware of this great new Law descending upon us. I personally believe that the Judges' black gown should be made into mini skirts for an extra tax-payers savings. What exactly are they hiding under such dark Vader tents? Let the black robes fall off like onion skins and let the Truth finally be exposed! "We the People" have spoken and will keep at it until the roots of the vines are no longer and the legal sap is dry. The common prediction is that a large section of Legal eagles perpetrators will hog their stolen goods and open Wall-paper stores nationwide, in order to 'launder' dirty legal papers around to a profit.
Can I just shoot them instead?
So instead I made it bigger and still propose the idea in the hopes someone will pick up and pass the law for real...ya never know.
See you at the Paintball range.
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