Maybe when he used 'psychotic' it was a poor choice of words but are you saying, Dan, that if you want to make love with your wife and she would rather not that night that you are within your full marital and Biblical rights to take her anyhow?
I trust you'll understand if I pass up this glowing opportunity to discuss my sex life with you.
But as to the topic: when you marry, you make promises. Being sexually available to your spouse, putting his/her needs first, is within the realm of promises you make when you stand up there in front of God and everyone. If you are not willing to deliver, you are in violation of your own promises.
Dan