A Link to Oasis Magazine from Youth.org:
I don't want to be lesbian or bisexual. Why should I go through this?
Hi Chris,
How can one decide whether or not they are bi or straight. It's not something I asked for. Where does the line between natural adolescent curiosity and, and bisexuality begin. It's not like anything I've ever had to figure out before. But, if I'm just bi, can't I just push it away, like any other emotional baggage. Why should I put myself through the hell of hurting my parents and getting disowned my half my family. Can't I just push it away like any other problem. A lot of people just push parts of themselves away, so is this any different?
Debra
Hi Debra,
You have quite a road in front of you, Debra, and it's better to get started on it sooner, rather than later. The fact is, you don't get to decide whether you're gay, lesbian or bisexual. That was decided by the time you were born, and is an innate part of you, and here to stay. So, you can either fight it, and live an unhappy life where you are afraid all the time that people are going to find out about your "secret," where you deny yourself the happiness that comes from expressing your true self and finding someone as a friend or partner who is like you. Or you can find a path to accept, and then celebrate, this gift that you have been given, and live life openly.
If you are bisexual, the thing is it is not emotional baggage (and I hope you realize that it's not a good idea to just push away emotional baggage, either -- it's something that is usually best dealt with, confronted, and resolved). It is, rather, a biological and genetic part of your very being, of who you are. And just like being born with a particular skin color, that might make it harder to get by in some areas, or finding out that you're left handed and living in a right-handed world, you will do best to just get over it, and deal with it.
Why do you assume that you will be putting your parents through Hell? Why do you think they will disown you? It may be that they will have a hard time with it, some parents (but not most), do. But if they love you, they will find a way, they will work to get the education they need about what it means to be queer, and how to help you live a happy life. Because, for most parents, that's what they want most for their kids.
I recommend starting with the book "Free Your Mind" by Ellen Bass and Kate Kaufmann. Then "Outing Yourself" by Michelangelo Signorile. Those are both great "primers" on being gay, and Signorile's book takes an excellent, step-by-step approach to coming to terms with yourself -- which is the essential first step -- and then leads you to the point, which could take many months, where you can finally look in a mirror, say "I'm happy that I'm gay" and then take the next step out the door to tell your family and friends.
When you're ready for the next steps, you may want to find a gay youth group in your area, or go to your school GSA. Talking with other guys and girls like you, who have confronted similar issues, can often help you get through this more easily.
Take care,
Chris
Did you notice how the girl's question about "the line between natural adolescent curiosity" was avoided?
An excerpt from: In Their Own Words: The Homosexual Agenda:
"Homosexual activist Michelangelo Signorile, who writes periodically for The New York Times, summarizes the agenda in OUT magazine:
...to fight for same-sex marriage and its benefits and then, once granted, redefine the institution of marriage completely, to demand the right to marry not as a way of adhering to society's moral codes, but rather to debunk a myth and radically alter an archaic institution... The most subversive action lesbian and gay men can undertake --and one that would perhaps benefit all of society--is to transform the notion of family entirely." "Its the final tool with which to dismantle all sodomy statues, get education about homosexuality and AIDS into the public schools and in short to usher in a sea change in how society views and treats us."