Schnitt Happens.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schnitt and O. Schnitt. Awe Schnitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schnitt, a partner in the law firm, Knee, Deep & Schnitt. In turn, Jack Schnitt married Noe Schnitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie, the twins Deep and Dip, Fulla, Giva and Bull Schnitt.
Against his parent's strong objections, Deep Schnitt married Dumb Schnitt, a high school drop out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schnitt married Mr. Scherlock and, because her kids were living with them, decided to keep her previous name, hence, she became known as Noe Schnitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schnitt moved south and married Loda Schnitt and they produced a cowardly son and named him Chick Noe (after his grandmother,) Schnitt. He became known as Chick N. Schnitt for short.
Fulla Schnitt and Giva Schnitt were inseparable thought childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse Schnitt.
Bull Schnitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa. Their only son, Tough Schnitt, became a professional wrestler and later moved to Minnesota to purse a career in politics.
Now when someone says "you don't know Jack Schnitt," you can correct them.