Stay-at-home moms

The Deseret News ^ | 1/24/2002 | Marilyn Gardner

[MozartLover]

When my youngest was about 3 or 4, we were out taking a walk & happened to pass a day care center. He asked me what it was, and when I explained, he was astonished that other little children did not stay home with their mommy like he did.

Now that all three of mine are in college I am more grateful than ever for the time I had with them when they were small.

[gunnedah]

I admire,respect and think you all are the greatest.

[Samwise]

Anyone who says that they can't afford....

I'll agree with you if you change the words "Anyone who says" to most "Most people who say."

FEMALE (the precursor to Moms and More) was wonderful for me. I recommend it. It was a great organization for moms. I learned all sorts of things and got hooked into the local mommy network. We had meetings in our homes, play groups for the kids, and a night out once a month.

We exchanged tips on financing, child rearing, churches, schools, babysitting, how to handle mother-in-laws, you name it. Being home alone with a new baby can be a pretty scarey thing--especially in a society that demeans motherhood. FEMALE helped to reinforce the conviction that being home was the right place to be.

If you must have a big house, new cars, and expensive clothes, then you probably can’t afford to stay home. If you put your kid first, then you can’t afford not to stay home.

I originally planned to stay home just until the kid got old enough for school. But I’ve learned that the older she gets, the more I need to be here. I wish parents had a clue about what their kids do while they’re at work. There are two classes of unparented kids around here (a nice neighborhood)--the kids who roam the streets and the kids who are terrified if the phone rings. My daughter’s best friend can’t play with her after school because she is locked in the house and can’t answer the door or the phone. Then there are the kids who roam and look for things to get into. Of course, having a mom at home, doesn’t guarantee good parenting. There’s an at-home mom down the street who just lets her kids wander. She has five, and they go where they please as soon as they are able to walk.

And don’t even get me started on working moms who think that because you stay at home you are available to babysit. I’ve had perfect strangers ask me to watch their kids--bacause they have to work! I have two degrees and I freelance from home now, but I’m here for my kid, not theirs. I’m afraid I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not polite anymore. /end of rant. sigh…

[Utah Girl]

Your rant sounds like my sister. She is a stay-at-home mom with eight kids (just six are home right now.) She used to get called all the time to sign for packages and babysit and myriads of other things. She finally said NO because all she was doing was running errands for working moms for free. If someone is in a real bind, of course she is there, but not for everyday stuff.

And your comment about kids being home alone is spot on. My sister says it is more than necessary that she be at home when her kids reach puberty. I guess the kids nowadays figure out that they can go to friends homes whose parents work and fool around sexually. Her kids are absolutely not allowed to go to a friends house to play or study unless there is a parent or a responsible adult around. Heaven help them if they do! (My parents had the same rule when we were growing up.)

[Utah Girl]

My sister does Joy School for her kids. Have you ever heard of it? She has one more child to go (her baby is two), but she says it Joy School has gotten her through raising her kids.

[Andrew Wiggin]

When my wife first brought up the idea of staying home to take care of our children (a couple of years before we actually had any), I thought that she was nuts. Did she honestly think that I was going to work all day while she lazed around watching soaps? However as we talked about it, it made more and more sense. As far as lazing around, I think that she may very well work harder than I do. Our 29 month old son and now our 1 month old daughter have never - and will never - set foot in a day care.

It has certainly been a struggle monetarily at times (I swear my wife is on first name basis with the owners of all the consignment shops within a 10 mile radius), but well worth it when I come home every day to the perfect child (and now the perfect children). There has been no 'terrible twos' for our son and our pediatrician is dumbfounded on how advanced he is on his checkups. Our success to date has naturally lead us to the decision to home school.

My wife has also become an entrepeneur in her spare time, and her business is doing so well we are hopeful it may allow me to stay home as well by the end of the year.

Let me add my agreement with the poster who noted that more mothers (or fathers) staying home to take care of their own children not only make America better by raising better children, but also by lowering the labor supply and driving wages up. This will allow more parents to stay home on one salary, a wonderful 'vicious' cycle.

[Utah Girl]

My sister is the best shopper. I go with her now to the consignment shops and thrift stores now. She's taught me how to look for true bargains, most of my livingroom furniture has come from tag sales. I buy sturdy used stuff and re-upholster it myself. There are a lot of ways to cut corners in regards to money.

[Samwise]

My sister does Joy School for her kids.

Never heard of it? What is it? Homeschooling? Neither my kid nor I could handle that, although I respect those who pursue it. We're in a great school system where parents are actually encouraged to participate. We live two blocks from the school. It's been great so far.

[Artist]

"There are a lot of ways to cut corners in regards to money."

Absolutely. My favorite book on that subject is the Tightwad Gazzette, by Amy Dacyczyn. It's truly inspirational.

Thanks for the thread, Utah Girl.

[<1/1,000,000th%]

That decision to stay home with a baby for at least a year is becoming more common.

I know quite a view adamant career women who made the same decision. I believe it is the correct decision. Proof that there is still hope for us.

[Utah Girl]

Joy School is for pre-school children, ages 4-5. Four or five mothers get together (they have children in that age range.) For two hours, three days a week, they hold a pre-school. The other mothers have time to themselves for that time to do whatever they want. They rotate every week. There are lessons already made and activities that they can use (they don't have to dream up something on their own.) And they even have graduation from Joy School. It has been a real lifesaver for my sister. Her kids have been really hard to toilet train, but she soon learned to hold out that they couldn't go to Joy School unless they were potty trained. Two of her boys became potty trained two weeks before Joy School started.

[Chemnitz]

God's blessing to all mothers who stay at home to raise their kids. We also must have understanding for those who are forced to work due to circumstances beyond their control.

Real men support their families and go without to make sure their children are raised by their mother and not by a rent-a-mom.

[Utah Girl]

Thanks for the link! I am not a true tightwad, but there are areas that I will cut corners monetarily.

[SLM]

One neighbor woman actually got mad at me because I wasn't willing to watch her son before school because she had to work. She didn't know anything about me when she asked. She had just heard I didn't "work." And no offer of pay. Heck, I'm never up that early, too many evenings spent playing games with my kids til late, or curled up on the couch watching Robowars with the crew. Thank God I've got a life.

[ventana]

I would NEVER want what Germany has. Because then the state would completely have me, and it's intrusive enough already. I am a stay-at-home Mom. V's wife.

[ventana]

Your wife is a proverbial "good wife," and you, sir, are one lucky man. V's wife.

[ventana]

I actually like it!Me too, MasonGal. I actually like it! And I had a pretty cool career. Not as cool as this! V's wife.

[ventana]

LOL! Just as long as she's not in his home! V's wife.

[zeaal]

I am one of those moms that did not develop a career prior to starting a family. No maternity leaves, no benefits, nothing from the stand point of business. The kids are older and I am nearing the completion of day in day out stay at home mom business ... kids are in late high school. Now, my challenge that the kids are all most all growed up and looking towards college is to create a resume and consider seeking employment. What to do? What to do?

Would never change a minute and I encourage moms and dads considering a stay at home parent to DO IT! It is remarkable and of the greatest benefit to the kids.

PS ... I have been "the" name on everybody's emergency number on their kid's school forms (most of the time I was not even informed that I was), I am the mom that gets a call from a neighbor or friend to run their kid lunch money to school when they forget it, I am the one that gets a call from a mom that is stuck in traffic to pick her child up from school ... all I ask is that when I do .... just say THANK YOU.