Photodisc, Inc.
Posted on 01/24/2002 10:57:18 AM PST by Utah Girl
Some women are opting out of the work force to be with their babies
As a young career woman, Elizabeth Drew Scholl could not imagine a life without paid work. Armed with a master's degree, she landed a plum job, managing a $50 million capital campaign for one of Chicago's top cultural institutions, the Lincoln Park Zoo.
Photodisc, Inc. |
"I was extremely career-oriented," Mrs. Scholl recalls. She even timed her first pregnancy so it would not conflict with the project's completion.
But before her daughter was born, she received an unhappy surprise: Her employer gave new mothers only a six-week disability leave.
"Babies don't even lift their heads up at six weeks on their own," Scholl says, indignation still rising in her voice at the thought of such a short leave. "I couldn't imagine going back and leaving her with a complete stranger."
When her boss denied a request for part-time work, she decided to resign.
"This was truly the hardest decision I've ever made," says Scholl, now of Highlands Ranch, Colo. "But I came to the realization that these jobs are going to be there when I go back to work."
That decision to stay home with a baby for at least a year is becoming more common. A Census Bureau report last month shows that 55 percent of women with infants under a year old were in the workforce in June 2000, down from 59 percent in 1998. This represents the first decline in 25 years. The drop is primarily among women who are white, married, over 30, and educated.
Authors of the census report speculate that as more women delay childbearing until their 30s and 40s, they are building nest eggs that allow them to take more time off. The robust economy that prevailed until recently also offered more options if they returned.
Many of these women, like Scholl, never expected to put "former" in front of their titles. She echoes the comments of other mothers when she describes the adjustment as "very difficult" at first.
"I was going from preparing million-dollar proposals to reading Dr. Seuss books," she says.
There is also the challenge of that classic dinner-party question: What do you do? As Scholl explains, "Saying I'm a stay-at-home mom is far less interesting than saying that I'm the manager of a $50 million capital campaign." She and her husband now have three daughters, ranging in age from 4 1/2 years to 2 months.
Among mothers in the key years for career advancement, between 25 and 44, 1 in 4 is home full time, according to Joan Williams, director of the Program on Gender, Work, and Family at American University Law School in Washington. For mothers in this group who are employed, 2 out of 3 work less than a 40-hour week. Only 8 percent work more than 50 hours.
Not just 'privileged' women
"There is still a very high level of family care in the United States," Williams says. "The homemaker is alive and well in America."
 Photodisc, Inc. |
She refutes the popular impression that only "privileged" women stay home. In reality, she says, the lower on a socioeconomic scale the mother is, the more likely she is to be at home full time and the less likely she is to work full time.
Whatever a mother's economic status, homemaking remains underappreciated. "Your value to society seems to be plummeting when you're not doing what you were doing in the workplace," Scholl says.
Emphasizing the value of at-home parents is one goal of two growing national organizations, Mothers at Home, in Fairfax, Va., and the 8,000-member Mothers & More, based in Naperville, Ill. Web sites and newsletters also offer support and a forum for discussions, including options for working at home.
Noting that some mothers have always had a desire to be home, Susan DeRitis, a spokeswoman for Mothers at Home, says: "Now, women are taking control of their lives and saying, 'This is where I want to be.' They're not letting society or media dictate to them what they should be doing as far as raising their kids." She also sees more fathers at home.
More than 300 at-home mothers gathered in Schaumburg, Ill., northwest of Chicago, for the first national conference of Mothers & More. The dominant issue, organizers say, centered on the contribution women's unpaid labor makes to the economy and to society.
No good middle ground
"We feel strongly that our culture should place a higher value on the unpaid work that women do, primarily in raising the next generation to be good and productive citizens," says spokeswoman Catherine Carbone-Rogers.
The group also seeks to increase awareness of the economic penalties women incur in raising children. These include not only lost wages, Social Security, and pensions, but also diminished career possibilities. More than 70 percent of members say they will return to work eventually. Another 22 percent are uncertain. Seven percent intend to stay home permanently.
 Some women feel homemaking is underappreciated by society. Photodisc, Inc. |
Kristin Maschka, of Pasadena, Calif., who attended the Mothers & More conference, heard many members voice frustration over their lack of choices. "Most of them are very committed to doing what's right for their kids," she says. "But they find themselves constrained by society in terms of the number of options they have."
Greater acceptance
Other women say they are pleased to see an end to much of the media-fueled divisiveness that once supposedly existed between working mothers and those at home. Women on both sides agree that different choices are appropriate for different families. One long-term perspective on the challenges that both groups face comes from Sherry Reinhardt of Berkeley, Calif. For 22 years, Reinhardt has been bringing first-time mothers together in small support groups. Some 5,000 women have taken part in these so far. She finds isolation to be one of the biggest challenges facing parents today.
Newfound confidence
Women who do declare a timeout at work often eventually find other rewards at home. Brenda LeBlanc of Ashland, Mass., left a decade-long career in accounting when her daughter, Samantha, was born two years ago. "I went crazy for the first six months," she recalls.
When Samantha was three months old, Mrs. LeBlanc attended an alumni function at her college. As the only mother not working, she found herself almost apologizing for being home.
Now LeBlanc no longer apologizes. "When people ask me what I do, I say, 'I'm home with my daughter.' They ask, 'Do you like it?' I tell them, 'Yup, I absolutely love it.' "'
Whatever a family's particular situation, Reinhardt and others urge parents to follow their own best leanings.
"Moms will be criticized for any choice they make — working or not working outside the home, and all sorts of other choices in parenting," Reinhardt says. "We need to clarify what feels right for us and then protect ourselves from the inevitable criticisms from family, friends, and society."
Now that all three of mine are in college I am more grateful than ever for the time I had with them when they were small.
I'll agree with you if you change the words "Anyone who says" to most "Most people who say."
FEMALE (the precursor to Moms and More) was wonderful for me. I recommend it. It was a great organization for moms. I learned all sorts of things and got hooked into the local mommy network. We had meetings in our homes, play groups for the kids, and a night out once a month.
We exchanged tips on financing, child rearing, churches, schools, babysitting, how to handle mother-in-laws, you name it. Being home alone with a new baby can be a pretty scarey thing--especially in a society that demeans motherhood. FEMALE helped to reinforce the conviction that being home was the right place to be.
If you must have a big house, new cars, and expensive clothes, then you probably can’t afford to stay home. If you put your kid first, then you can’t afford not to stay home.
I originally planned to stay home just until the kid got old enough for school. But I’ve learned that the older she gets, the more I need to be here. I wish parents had a clue about what their kids do while they’re at work. There are two classes of unparented kids around here (a nice neighborhood)--the kids who roam the streets and the kids who are terrified if the phone rings. My daughter’s best friend can’t play with her after school because she is locked in the house and can’t answer the door or the phone. Then there are the kids who roam and look for things to get into. Of course, having a mom at home, doesn’t guarantee good parenting. There’s an at-home mom down the street who just lets her kids wander. She has five, and they go where they please as soon as they are able to walk.
And don’t even get me started on working moms who think that because you stay at home you are available to babysit. I’ve had perfect strangers ask me to watch their kids--bacause they have to work! I have two degrees and I freelance from home now, but I’m here for my kid, not theirs. I’m afraid I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not polite anymore. /end of rant. sigh…
And your comment about kids being home alone is spot on. My sister says it is more than necessary that she be at home when her kids reach puberty. I guess the kids nowadays figure out that they can go to friends homes whose parents work and fool around sexually. Her kids are absolutely not allowed to go to a friends house to play or study unless there is a parent or a responsible adult around. Heaven help them if they do! (My parents had the same rule when we were growing up.)
It has certainly been a struggle monetarily at times (I swear my wife is on first name basis with the owners of all the consignment shops within a 10 mile radius), but well worth it when I come home every day to the perfect child (and now the perfect children). There has been no 'terrible twos' for our son and our pediatrician is dumbfounded on how advanced he is on his checkups. Our success to date has naturally lead us to the decision to home school.
My wife has also become an entrepeneur in her spare time, and her business is doing so well we are hopeful it may allow me to stay home as well by the end of the year.
Let me add my agreement with the poster who noted that more mothers (or fathers) staying home to take care of their own children not only make America better by raising better children, but also by lowering the labor supply and driving wages up. This will allow more parents to stay home on one salary, a wonderful 'vicious' cycle.
Never heard of it? What is it? Homeschooling? Neither my kid nor I could handle that, although I respect those who pursue it. We're in a great school system where parents are actually encouraged to participate. We live two blocks from the school. It's been great so far.
Absolutely. My favorite book on that subject is the Tightwad Gazzette, by Amy Dacyczyn. It's truly inspirational.
Thanks for the thread, Utah Girl.
I know quite a view adamant career women who made the same decision. I believe it is the correct decision. Proof that there is still hope for us.
Real men support their families and go without to make sure their children are raised by their mother and not by a rent-a-mom.
Would never change a minute and I encourage moms and dads considering a stay at home parent to DO IT! It is remarkable and of the greatest benefit to the kids.
PS ... I have been "the" name on everybody's emergency number on their kid's school forms (most of the time I was not even informed that I was), I am the mom that gets a call from a neighbor or friend to run their kid lunch money to school when they forget it, I am the one that gets a call from a mom that is stuck in traffic to pick her child up from school ... all I ask is that when I do .... just say THANK YOU.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.