Now I know if you were really that stupid, you'd never be able to operate a computer It'll be a while before Dane gets back to you on that one -- the cup holder on his computer broke off, he's trying to find a flashlight to see if his computer is plugged in, and he can't find the "ANY" key.
I've become convinced that Dane is really an artificial intelligence program a la Eliza. Look back at his replies. I think they are generated code. They make sense if you imagine they were crafted by an IBM PS/2, possibly a model 55.