Creators Admit Unix and C++ a Hoax

Some computer guys with too much free time (Humor) | 1996 | J.M.O.

[annalex]

It didn't do anything because I didn't define P, which is as intended.

[SteveH]

In yet another late-breaking development, U.S. Democrat Senators Diane Feinstein, Charles Schumer, and moderate Republican Senator John McCain released a joint statement calling for bipartisan support of their anti-terrorist "computer show loophole closure" bill, calling on Congress and the President to abandon right-wing Republican party reservations towards "bringing to an end the terrible costs to society of certain extremist elements" from using the Internet to spread "hate communication" across state and international boundaries and arranging for unregulated sales of illegal subroutines, military munitions-grade algorithms and NIC cards" with attached "crypto" coprocessors that have already been determined to be "contrary to the interests of the WTO and United Nations".

"It is obvious that these people harbor dangerous, terrorist tendencies and will require an expansion of funding into existing and new federal agencies to monitor and help combat the burgeoning problems of renegade computation and communication," a spokesperson for Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) said in a separate release in support of the new bill. The bill would make felonies trafficing of "late evening special" computer related products without a license, an "instant check" and a three day waiting period for transactions.

Attempts to reach representatives for the so-called "free software" lobby, GNU, for comment and objections by press time were unsuccessful.

[tophat9000]

You know in the movie "Independence Day" there was always the question how they could come up with a computer virus that would interface with and unknown alien operating system.

I always thought the answer was that Unix was the aliens operating system and had been revered engineer from the captured alien ship in the late fifty's.

I mean come on you don't think "grep" is a human command do you?

[Yeti]

P.T. Barnum? Correct about what?

I think it might have been him who said(and I paraphrase)"Nobody ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the American public."

Or maybe that was someone else.

[Dakmar]

I had to replace R- with R-- and e- with e--, otherwise it won't compile.

I was looking at it and noticed that. I thought maybe it some weird unary operator I wasn't familiar with.

[SteveH]

Actually, it was created by Bell Labs as a prop for the film, "The President's Analyst." When they found out that the film did not present the phone company in a particularly favorable light, ...

No, not at all; it is yet another rumor that "The President's Analyst" is based on fiction. It is actually a suppressed *documentary* and James Coburn's "acting" career is merely a transparent cover.

yacc SYNACK rpc IDL OC3 SSL UDP MBUF_EXTERNAL awk joy Green Dragon XXX ATM AFS singleton Mach RAID5 Xinu Torvalds b_read() SCSI webserver spider GNU Red Hat PGP pageout() multilevel hash key UltraSparc daemon pagein() kevent pathname perl DSL Merced SMP 4.4BSD-Lite execve() fgrep egrep vnode vfork() PTE System V Alpha CISC sockbuf IPC bus error kill 9 Plan 9 blue box Murray Hill process migration keepalive fsck fsdb pthreads LFS Veritas interleaved dup() IMP Cisco Kerberos rc.local PCI X-Windows gdb fair share scheduler process 0 nfsd diskless RIP Shift-JIS ANSI C bash core dump Tenex kdb rdb panic()

[strela]

We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:

for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

If somebody held a gun to my head and forced me to choose which I hated worse; Osama bin Laden or REGEXP, my brains would probably be blown all over the nearest wall.

[mommybain]

We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:

for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

Yeah, so it compiles...what happens wheh it's executed?

[SteveH]

I was just getting ready to reply to you when I got a message from windows saying an application caused an "illegal operation". Should I turn myself in or is the "illegal operation" part of the conspiracy? disclaimer: I haven't, to my knowledge, done anything illegal, immoral, illicit or ill-advised.

I regret to inform you that this implies that your name has already been run-time linked to a potential cyberterrorist organization. Have you by any chance donated software recently to the Boy Scouts of America, Red Cross or The Salvation Army? Or signed an online petition supporting the recall of Sen. John McCain or the investigation into PardonGate? Are you now or have you ever been a member of the organization called "Infinite Freep", or have you ever participated in an anti-Hillary! demonstration without a CLL (concealed laptop license)?

It doesn't really matter, you realize, since your name on that doubly linked list implies that you are doubly guilty according to ex post facto provisions of bills certain to be passed by Congress in the next turnover if not before. Your best bet is to turn yourself in to the nearest local Hillary! 2004 Exploratory Committee office, unless you reside in Florida, in which case you need to report to the Reno for Governor organization and do [TBD] hours of community service to avoid guaranteed future deportation and/or prosecution and incarceration in Club Fed.

Alternatively, you can also serve the online community by working [TBD] hours in the Windows/XP first level support desk (this option is particularly popular among those who are computer illiterate).

Sorry dude, it could happen to anyone :-( ...

[Centurion2000]

bringing to an end the terrible costs to society of certain extremist elements" from using the Internet to spread "hate communication" across state and international boundaries and arranging for unregulated sales of illegal subroutines, military munitions-grade algorithms and NIC cards" with attached "crypto" coprocessors that have already been determined to be "contrary to the interests of the WTO and United Nations

Lovely, and in 20 years this probably wont be a joke.

[j_tull]

I can't belive you sed(1) that.

[jammer]

Post 7: lol. Hilarious.

[JRandomFreeper]

I had to replace R- with R-- and e- with e--,

I think the n- usage is a deprecated non-ANSI (LOL) usage. Back before C++ was standardized (snort) and programs could be ported to different machines with little difficulty (guffaw! LOLOLOL!)

I tried to say it with a straight face.

/john

[Dakmar]

All I know is that (e-) is nonsense. P(...) is a function not defined in this article, so P(string constant+address of constant variable) is un-defined.

[_Jim]

Yeah, so it compiles...what happens wheh it's executed?

... well, ahhh ... that depends on what libraries it's linked with ...

[Dakmar]

Also depends on what P() does, don't it?

[rundy]

Re-read your comments and then sit down and consider whether or not all of the time you spend trying to master Unix and C have affected you in any way.

Ha, Ha, Ha :-{

[Dakmar]

Let me clarify - P( char * ) returns, don't it?

Ok, it could be p( (void) * )

[_Jim]

Well ... duh ...