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To: Skywalk
Especially if she retains the feminine approach(indeed inevitability oft-times) of combining sex and emotion, then there's a significant shot at her being damaged.

The question might be asked: What is preferable, a woman who compartmentalizes well, or one who has not, but has a similar history??

I am not including in the discussion any women/men who've moved beyond their past, and demonstrate this through their actions.

Compartmentalization - that was my second question:

If you make that assumption about a woman, that she can compartmentalize, can you assume that she is "normal", in the sense that, just as it is unusual for a man to cry after sex (show excessive emotion), it is unusual for a woman to have NO emotion attached to a sexual encounter?

My answer to that is that it is NOT normal for a woman to sever the emotional from the sexual.

So, in the context of casual sexuality, what is a guy interested in a serious, decent relationship to reasonably deduce about such a woman? There are a number of possibilities:

  1. She doesn't compartmentalize well and may be carrying a fair amount of emotional baggage;
  2. She compartmentalizes completely, in which case she places herself outside the normal distribution of feminine behavior vis-a-vis sex (and quite likely other areas of feminine behavior);
  3. She handles only as much casual sex as she can effectively compartmentalize, knowing well her own limits, and limits the damage.
The relationship-centered man may conclude: woman #1 will saddle me with all the crap heaped on her by other jerks; woman #2 may never sincerely attach herself to me emotionally; woman #3 sounds good but how many #1's and #2's do I have to go through before I find her?

What is a serious man, looking for a longterm relationship, to do about women 1, 2, & 3? Answer that and you'll be halfway to understanding the origin of the supposed "double standard" that attaches to male and female promiscuity.

779 posted on 12/12/2001 6:37:51 AM PST by Gumption County
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To: Gumption County
it is NOT normal for a woman to sever the emotional from the sexual.

It never ceases to amaze me that men are so willing to stand up and tell woman how they feel. I know there are women who would agree with you and it is probably true for them. I also know there are men who will say they can not or do not sever the emotional from the sexual. Just because some men strongly tie the two together does not mean that all men do. The same appears to be true for women.

I think men are just as likely as women to carry emotional baggage from severed relationships. It is human nature, not female nature, to cling to that which was good.

781 posted on 12/12/2001 7:47:51 AM PST by pcl
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To: Gumption County
LOL Well I thought I explained my theory behind the "double standard," though I concede that the unusual occurrence of women who completely compartmentalize full-time as men do, is a good buttressing of that point I made. In case anyone doesn't remember, male homosexuals are more promiscuous than male heteros. There is no "check" on their behavior. Women, through genetics and some socialization, put some limits on a man's sexual impulses. A man can do this himself, it is true, but all things being equal, it is better to trust the female.

To put it in layman's terms, if a decent-looking woman walks into any place right now and walks up to 20 men and says "let's go have sex," I bet at least 10 would go follow her, or at least try to arrange it at a pace comfortable for them. If a man were to do that, he'd get 19 rejections, if not 20. UNLESS, he's Brad Pitt or some other celebrity. In that case, he'd still get rejected more often than a woman taking that same approach.

This is why there's a double standard. Women can find sexual partners much easier than men can, and "close the deal" merely by going through the motions. A man, even when acquiring a potential partner, has to bide his time and make sure not to say the wrong things in order to MAYBE get his chance.

795 posted on 12/12/2001 3:33:13 PM PST by Skywalk
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