MANY HAPPY RETURNS!
I would like to start a new fund raising thread so we can all chip in and buy you a clue. If there is enough left over we'll start the "Get Ratatoskr a life" fund.
We do however draw the line at using the money to purchase a date for you. If you actually want to kiss a real girl you'll have to move out of your mother's basement first, but we can't assist you with that.
I can see the appeal. After all, it's bound to be cheaper than trying to buy you a sense of humor. I think that's one of those "born with it or spend your life boring the arse off everyone" things.