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It may actually be the best Christmas party ever, because you should be reminded as to what really is important.

FOR SURE. Have encouraged a friend who tends to freak out on family holiday entertaining. . . to focus on relationships . . .

THINGS YOU MIGHT ASK DURING THE HOLIDAY OR OVER DINNER . . .

--What would you like to do differently this year in light of 11 SEP?

--What do you value more now about your relationship(s) with ____________ in light of 11 SEP?

--What actions have you taken/are you taking/will you take to improve the quality of your primary relationships in light of 11 SEP?

--Has 11 SEP caused you to grow spiritually or to live more on the surface to avoid the pain?

--What thoughtful things would you most like people around you, who love you, to do this coming year?

--What thoughtful things have you learned to enjoy doing more since 11 SEP?

--IF _______________ had died in 11 SEP, what would you have wanted to say to him/her first? Have you said it yet? What would you have liked to have done with them? Have you done it yet? If not, when will you make time for it?

--IF 11 SEP hasn't gotten your attention, what will it take?

--Are you paying more attention in your relationships after 11 SEP?

--What little pleasures in life are you noticing more after 11 SEP? What little pleasures are you giving away more?

--How has your relationship with God changed after 11 SEP?

--What has touched you the most and how about 11 SEP?

--How are you handling fears triggered by 11 SEP?

--Has your communication style and frequency with those you love most changed any since 11 SEP?

I am a spiritual person and as a culture, Americans do not handle the subject of death very well. I remember when I was small, I didn't attend grandparents' funerals. I was shielded somewhat which I'm sure was out of Dr. Spock's handbook of the day.

I thought nothing could top the nineties - within a two year period, my dad who died the same day and almost exact time as Gene Kelly, my young male friend who died accidentally the same day as John Denver, my friend's mom suddenly, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, Kennedys, Sonny Bono, Harry Carey, Payne Stewart. Remember that period 96 - 99? So many funerals were televised.

This 9-11 attack on America has affected us all and I desire to start thinking about life and what can I do to help the living. We should daily remember those lost on 9-11 in our thoughts and prayers but if we think about death all the time, it will bring us sadness instead of missed opportunities for joy. Please let us find a balance between harsh realities and opportunities for joy. Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless America.