"I'm tired of being a liberal (rant)"

Maybe you're like me - you're tired of being a liberal. It ain't easy being a liberal. It seems to take ten times the energy to support a liberal position than the conservatives expend supporting theirs. It's just so much easier being a conservative. I've watched my mother over the years. She's the epitomy of conservatism (but wierdly, votes Liberal). Everything she believes in is "right" and totally defensible within her little "box". The other day she came out with "I'd hate to be a liberal and have to live in a messy house." She blew a 10 minute tantrum because my water glass was one inch to the left of its proper position. Any refutation of her position is "nonsense" and "lies". If she says something is black and I point out some grey characteristics, she will claim I'm saying it's white. A few minutes later she will unbashedly reverse herself, citing a different set of "facts".

Maybe I'm just too smart for my own good. She certainly says that often enough. Maybe sometime soon the scales will fall from my eyes and I will see that I'm deluding myself, that the world really is black and white and "proper" people get all the goodies because they're "right". The local businessman who's been ripping people off for years and gets away with it because of his political connections is OK because he's a "nice" person and wears good suits. Maybe I can see that people who aren't like me aren't as good as me and deserve what they get. Maybe I don't need to pay my taxes because they go toward causes I don't agree with. Maybe I shouldn't support Universal health care because some of it might go towards getting crack whores off drugs. Maybe I shouldn't support the Girl Guides because they won't condemn homosexuality.

I'm having trouble remembering why I need to deal with issues that aren't in my back yard. It's enough to vote for the politicians and hope for the best. I'm sure I can think of some way of justifying that it all turned out for the best in the end.

It's difficult for me to remember how other cultures could possibly have a meaningful influence on mine. If their ideas were really all that valuable, they'd be running things, not us. Let them do things our way - it's worked up until now.

I've worked long and hard and had some rough times, but now I've got a good job. I'm starting to forget why such a huge chunk disappears out of my paycheck every month and the government seems to rarely do something for me anymore.

When I've been reading the Bible, I've concentrated in the past on the New Testament, but it's difficult when the Apostles contradict each other and themselves. It's so much easier to skip over most of it or stick to the passages that are easy to understand, like the stuff in Leviticus. I'm finding it so confusing to listen to my priest dissect the intricacies of the Trinity - maybe I'll switch to Southern Baptist. I can shout "praise Jaysus" with the best of them.

I'm having trouble understanding how the courts can make the law so difficult to enforce. If somebody caught the police's attention, they must have done something wrong. Best to keep them in jail until enough evidence turns up to convict them. There's too many "guilty" people walking the streets. Readers' Digest is full of articles about judges allowing guilty people to go free on technicalities.

Foreign affairs used to be so easy. There were good guys and bad guys and God was on our side. We went to war with the bad guys and won. It's slipped my mind why we had to pay to rebuild other people's countries afterward. I can't understand whether the Northern Alliance is the good guys or the bad guys. It used to be so simple.

Ya know, I'm tired of being a conservative. I'm coming to the conclusion that I'd much rather be a liberal. No...........I need to be a liberal.

Liberals are "cool". TV, movies, and the news media all say so. We're troglodytes; I now know that. I want to be part of the Beautiful People. I want to be accepted and lauded like....................well, Bill and Hillary.

I want to be able to commit all manner of unspeakable crimes and chicanery and be rewarded for it. I want people to kiss my ass because I claim to "feel" for 'em. That just sounds darned attractive, especially when compared to actually "doing" something.

I think liberals get laid much, much more often. I'm told that so much, I've come to believe it.

I want to traipse through life expecting others to do for me. I want Big Government to take the lion's share of what I earn (I earn a fair amount because I am a winner in "life's lottery", I've realized) and then wipe my bodily orifices for the rest of my life.

I want to throw money into useless social programs because, damn it, it makes me feel good. Just don't bring those folks who benefit from those programs to my neighborhood, k?

I want to be able to sneer at and undercut the values of Christian America. I want to be able to screw my eyes out, married or not, and not have someone tell me it's wrong. I want to be able to not only flaunt God's Law, but to deny His Son exists, subsume all such references, and humiliate and berate those who believe (or, Gaia forbid, say) otherwise because they're so damned inconvenient.

I want to judge those who I can now label "judgmental".

I wish to put the lives of silly looking animals that I've never seen except in National Geographic above the lives of unborn babies. Again, babies are "inconvenient". I want to march and wave signs and get laws passed and have the courts and police on my side.............while getting those nutbag Christian rightists arrested if they protest...........and see even more millions of annoying fetal masses eviscerated and gutted and ripped apart like so many tumors. I just won't have to see it or face the consequences since my mind will be one big, freakin' blank as a liberal.

I want to point and laugh at those who actually hold respect for documents written by white, oppressive, upper-class slave owners over 200 years ago..........and guffaw at the very notion that such "ideals" should actually apply to sophisticates such as myself.

I want to cheat regularly during elections, knowing full well that the media won't utter a word and that my foes, the Conservatives, are too disjointed to put up a proper defense from such things.

I want to be able to gut the military and all of those fat cats in the military-industrial complex because they've gotten SO big and SO inefficient and SO unjust..........and see that all of that money goes to the Federal Government for "social programs" which are NOT so big and NOT so ineff.............................well, they mean well and make me feel good.

I want to look at movie stars and actually feel warm and fuzzy when they go on about whales, "the environment", global warming, red-throated warblers, AIDS, etc. I just feel so left out.

I want to put gay people into every elected office in America, every classroom, and into every child care facility. They must be saints on earth because they like to screw members of their same sex; I know, 'cause the media tell me this. Which brings me to my final point.

......I sooooooooooooo want to believe the media. I want to trust Rather, Jennings, and Brokaw. I want to hang on CNN's every word. It just seems to work for so many millions of my fellow countrymen, and they don't seem to worry about our country or lay awake nights wondering how to "fight" for anything or anyone. They don't seem to have consciences............they seem so untroubled with "real" things..........

........and I DO need to sleep.

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