"My best friend Tiffany helped a whole, whole lot when she explained that the tragedy would stop people from using so much oil and the earth would be a cleaner place. But still I worried. The Bush tax cuts were on my mind. I could not sleep thinking about them. So one night at 2AM, I called my best friend Bruce."Bruce, I am so fearful of the Republican tax cuts," I said.
"Chelsea, good will come of this. You know how Bush and Christians have been persecuting and killing my people. But now they are killing Afghans. Gays will no longer be tied to posts, beaten and set on fire. Conservatives are too busy," he said.
"Oh dear, dear Brucie , " I sobbed, "I feel so much better now. You are the best friend in the whole world."
For the first time in weeks, I slept until dawn.
As a friend of mine would say:
All she suffers from is a lead deficiency.